


Forged Ties

by Nelioe



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Smaug, Alternate Universe - Not Related, Arranged Marriage, Cheating, Childbirth, Cultural Differences, Durincest, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fili is awesome, Frerin is awesome as well, Fíli is an orphan, Humiliation, Hurt Fíli, Hurt Kíli, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Kili is a sweetheart, Kili needs a hug, M/M, Mpreg, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Soulmates, Unrelated Fíli and Kíli, and a few other things are different as well, if you want to see it like that, so no incest, talking is the name of the game, the 'Ur are awesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-05-23
Packaged: 2018-03-26 19:02:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3861148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelioe/pseuds/Nelioe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fíli never believed in the concept of Ones, of two people forged for one another, their souls linked. It sounded far too poetic, but then he meets Kíli.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I never thought I would write a story like this (I think this fandom is slowly corrupting me, can't say I mind, though), but well I had the idea and decided to just write it anyway. Since English isn't my mother tongue this story could have been better for sure if I hadn't such a limited vocabulary. But that's my way to practise this language and hopefully some of you can give me advise what I need to do better the next time I write a story from beginning to end in English. :)

 

 

It already felt like a tradition. Once a month, after a long patrol with comrades Fíli knew for such a long time that they’d all become friends by now, they went to the tavern. It was always the same one. The Innkeeper, Bombur, reserved a table for them without them having to ask for it a day before. He knew when they came and even made sure that their drinks were prepared so they could be served as soon as they stepped inside. Fíli and his company were welcome guests at his place, they never caused trouble – sometimes even stopped an approaching fight – and always paid the bill.

 

 

In one of the corners a few musicians played a merry song when Fíli and his companions entered. Instantly they were greeted by a cloud of different smells, the burning wood in the chimney, a strong mutton stew, ale and pipe smoke. It was a familiar smell, one that spoke of relaxation and of a feeling that came close to coming home. Here Fíli could forget being the prince under the mountain. Here he could sit with his comrades, talk, drink and laugh and be just Fíli, a reason why he appreciated every evening at this place.

 

 

Bombur greeted them with a big smile on his lips, carrying the tankards of ale to them that had already been waiting for the group to arrive. As always Fíli was impressed how the dwarf could bring them all at once to their table without spilling anything. Maybe it was a gift someone just got blessed with after a certain time of working in a tavern. They thanked him and raised their tankards to each other. Bombur stayed a moment at their table, chattering cheerfully with his oldest son who’d long left the parental home and was for a while now part of the guards and also allocated to the same patrol Fíli accompanied once a week. It was one of many lessons the blond had to learn to ensure he was fit for ruling one day, being part of a patrol should train his leadership abilities. So far it was working quite well.

 

 

It was when Dwalin, his bodyguard and captain of the royal guards, started to tell a saucy joke that Fíli realised something different about this evening. It weren’t the guests or the atmosphere but the young brunet moving between the tables. Carrying plates and tankards he served the guests and was swift in his worn-out boots. One simple braid sat in his shoulder-length hair, plaited in the one certain way that signified him as a Bearer, a male dwarf that could bear children. They were as rare as woman in their population and part of the reason why Erebor had broken with the old law that claimed both of them as a possession. Not all dwarves believed this to be the right decision and even after over three hundred years there still existed people under this stone that tried to rule over their partners. However, freedom had benefitted dwarrowdams and Bearers, they were fierce and proud and no longer easily to oppress. Unfortunately this was an entirely different matter in other kingdoms. Not for the first time Fíli felt relieved to live in Erebor and nowhere else.

 

 

“Bombur?” He asked the corpulent dwarf, while his companions guffawed at the payoff of Dwalin’s joke. Bombur leaned forward to hear him better over the babel of voices inside the tavern. “Who is the lad over there?”

 

 

Since Bearers were rare and he and his companion came here once every month it surprised him to never have seen the brunet before. Sure, he looked young and had scarcely any facial hair, so maybe he wasn’t of age very long, but somehow he doubted this was the only reason the brunet seemed to look so strange at this place. It was something Fíli couldn’t quite point out, like a subtle feeling deep within him.

 

 

“His name is Kíli,” Bombur answered. “My brother Bofur picked him up off the streets a week ago, apparently the lad was wandering the streets, looking for a place to spend the night at. You know how my brother is, he has the biggest heart beneath this mountain and just couldn’t leave the lad all by himself, can’t blame him though the lad looked half-starved when Bofur brought him along to dinner. Not that this has changed much yet, but we hope he will fill out more the longer he stays. He works here on the evenings and helps Bofur at daytime at the toyshop to earn his living at our place.”

 

 

Bofur and Bombur where living together as long as Fíli knew them, it didn’t matter that Bombur was married or that he and his wife had twelve children, it was probably an arrangement to look after their cousin Bifur, who’d survived getting an axe chopped into his head. The Ur-family was big and supported one another as best as they could. It didn’t surprise Fíli at all that they would take someone in that was in need of help.

 

 

“Why so curious?” One of his companions wanted to know with a telling twinkle in his eyes. “Has the lad caught your eye?”

 

 

Suddenly the conversations at the table died away and everyone started focusing on him. Fíli couldn’t hide the blush that crept to his cheeks. He’d never believed in Ones as they were sometimes mentioned by others. Two people, forged for one another, their souls linked… it sounded far too poetic to him to be true, but he couldn’t deny that the lad on the other side of the tavern fascinated him. If it was actually because of the dwarven understanding of love or just something else that seemed to enamour him, he couldn’t say. Whatever it was he hadn’t acted subtle enough.

 

 

“Look at him! He’s blushing like a maiden!” Roaring laughter erupted and in the same heartbeat Fíli knew that they would never let him forget this moment. With a groan Fíli buried his face in his hands, now he truly regretted his imprudence.

 

 

In the end he sighed and tried to laugh with them. He’d never shown any interests in women or Bearers in particular and rarely joined their talks and jokes about these topics so it was to be expected that his companions would leap at the first opportunity he offered them. Perhaps he should even be surprised it took this long.

 

 

The shattering of a jug and a startled cry, however, chased away the merriment, let the musicians fell silent and turned the attention of every guest to the situation at the other side of the tavern. At the table nearest to the bar an old dwarf had grabbed the lad by the wrist and yanked him to his broad chest. According to the crest on his cloth the uncouth dwarf was a boot-maker. Kíli yelped, the hot stew in the bowl he’d tried to serve along with the already broken jug scalded his fingers, reflexively the young brunet let go of the bowl and the mess at the feet of the two dwarves got only worse.

 

 

Not until he was just a few steps away from Kíli and his attacker did Fíli realise that he’d gotten up and marched towards them. The lad was struggling in the strong grip, his expression a mask of discomfort and fear while he vainly tried to push the other dwarf away.

 

 

“Let me go,” Fíli could hear the brunet plead, a strange sound present in his voice, as if he wanted to fight back with more force but didn’t dare to.

 

 

“What’s this, huh? First you ogle and smile at me like a begging slut and when I’m about to give you what you want you dare to insult me? I’ll show you who you belong to you bearing scum!”

 

 

The broad black-bearded dwarf raised his hand to take a swing at the lad as Fíli stepped in, violently loosening the grip of the older dwarf until Kíli was finally free and took a few frightened steps back.

 

 

“He belongs to no one other than himself, so keep your hands to yourself! Such behaviour isn’t tolerated here,” Fíli hissed.

 

 

The boot-maker knitted his brow angrily. “He asked for it and I won’t let him get away with it.”

 

 

“Are you stupid as well as deaf? He works here, it’s his job to be kind to every guest and you should accept when you read the signs wrong and your attention isn’t wanted. And now get out, before I throw you out myself!” Fíli had a hard time to control his breathing, such disrespect for Bearers always left its mark on him. The ignorance of some dwarves managed to get the better of him. He just couldn’t understand their thinking and if he was honest, he didn’t want to.

 

 

The female population of their folk was small and without the bearing part amongst the males they would become extinct. The least they should get in return was the respect every living being deserved and it disgusted Fíli how arrogant some people still acted, as if they owned others, as if they’d every right in the world to treat others that way. He would never tolerate it. Those people would probably still believe in a natural hierarchy when a dwarrowdam beat them on the training grounds or when a Bearer showed better skill in metalwork than all blacksmiths together. As long as Thorin was king under the mountain this way of thinking would never be accepted and Fíli was going to follow in his footsteps one day.

 

 

His opponent, however, didn’t seem to like being put into his place. His eyes were glistening with a deep rage as he took a swing, but this time it wasn’t aimed at Kíli but at Fíli himself. The prince didn’t even flinch. The hand was stopped in mid-air and not a heartbeat later Dwalin rushed the attacker off his feet and squeezed the boot-maker against the wall, where he struggled helplessly. In a trial of strength with Dwalin everyone seemed to look like a child.

 

 

“You dare to raise your hand against the prince?” Dwalin spat. “You’re lucky it isn’t me you will answer, but the court!”

 

 

Only slowly the dwarves in the tavern found their voices back, hesitant conversations started and the musicians continue their light tune, although it faltered a bit from time to time. All those present tried not to stare, probably not an easy task for some of them. In the meantime Bombur had reached Kíli and was now standing by his side, his large hand a calming presence on the brunet’s shoulder.

 

 

“Are you all right?” Fíli asked worriedly as he faced Kíli’s shaken features.

 

 

The young dwarf swallowed hard. “Yes,” he croaked. “Thank you for helping me.”

 

 

It unsettles Fíli that Kíli won’t look him in the eyes, but he doesn’t want to press, the other dwarf had already done enough.

 

 

“Call it a day, lad,” Bombur recommended gently. “I can handle one night without help.” He patted him encouragingly on the back, earning a barely noticeable nod.

 

 

Fíli feels like he should say something, but no words come to his mind that wouldn’t sound hollow or stupid, in the end he just keeps his mouth shut and watches the brunet leave. To distract himself from worrying too much he helps Dwalin to put the boot-maker in a cell, where he could wait for his trial.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Fíli and Kíli spend some time together...

 

 

Two days later Fíli found himself in front of Bofur’s toyshop. After the incident in the tavern he couldn’t get Kíli’s frightened face out of his mind and had to suppress the urge to visit him the next morning to see if he was truly all right. In the end it was feeling foolish that stopped him from going, for he didn’t know the brunet, not at all, and Fíli was pretty sure that it would look weird had he decided to meet him. Besides, he didn’t even know what to say to him. Now he’d found the perfect excuse, he had the afternoon off and hoped Kíli would like a tour through the mountain. If he was living here for hardly a week and working for Bofur and Bombur the brunet probably hadn’t seen much of Erebor and it gave Fíli the perfect excuse to check if Kíli was all right.

 

 

He opened the door to the shop and stepped inside. Almost immediately he spotted Kíli. The young dwarf was sitting on a stool, carefully painting one of Bofur’s magnificent wooden toy soldiers, which had turned out to be quite popular amongst the dwarflings. The toymaker stood behind him and was slightly leaning forward to have a look over the brunet’s shoulder. Just as Fíli entered he said something to Kíli in a low voice and the young dwarf nodded, but as they heard him coming in they both looked up.

 

 

“Hello,” he greeted them.

 

 

“Prince Fíli, to what do we owe the honour of your visit?” Bofur replied with a cheerful smile, meanwhile Kíli had lowered his head as if he didn’t know how to react to his presence.

 

 

“Well, since Bombur told me that Kíli isn’t from here I was wondering if you mind if I show him around a bit.” His words caused a knowing twinkle in Bofur’s eyes.

 

 

“Actually,” he started. “I think this is a wonderful idea.”

 

 

The toymaker shot Kíli a glance. The younger dwarf examined them uneasily and lifted the toy soldier and the brush he was holding as if this little gesture could explain everything. “I’m not done yet,” the brunet finished eventually.

 

 

“I can survive a day without you in my shop,” Bofur replied, taking the figure and the brush from Kíli’s hands before he nudged him playfully with his knee in the back. “Come on, get up. Don’t let the prince wait.”

 

 

Fíli gifted the toymaker a grateful smile while Kíli stood up and somehow self-consciously tugged at the hem of his tunic. Together they left the shop, the vastness of one of the great halls inside the mountain extending before them. Fíli tried to ignore the fact that Kíli was obviously feeling uncomfortable in his presence, it wasn’t new to him, his status as the prince of Erebor did this to a lot of people and the young dwarf beside him was no exception. He would just have to show him that he was a dwarf like everyone else.

 

 

“So,” he said. “Is there something you would like to see first?”

 

 

Kíli had nervously intertwined his fingers, looking everywhere but at Fíli. “I don’t know,” he mumbled. “I don’t think so.”

 

 

And so Fíli led the way, they took many stairs to get to the highest parts in the mountain and while Kíli didn’t complain the prince could see that climbing stairs after stairs took its toll on him. The brunet was breathing hard when they arrived at their destination. Fíli regretted his decision instantly, only because he run through a constant training to keep his skills and stamina it didn’t mean that everyone else did as well. He hoped the aviary would at least be worth it. He waited until Kíli was able to catch his breath.

 

 

The aviary was more than just a simple cage. Raven, owls and other birds were nesting here and every species had their own large cylinder-shaped chamber so they wouldn’t get in each other’s way. Holes in the stones allowed the birds to come and go as they pleased, but most of them were either trained by dwarves or just intelligent animals in particular, like the ravens that many people of their folk still could communicate easily with. The nests could be located in wide gaps in the stone the dwarves themselves had created exactly for this purpose. Stairs wound alongside the nests till they reached the ceiling, so the dwarves could always ensure that all of the fledglings were well cared for.

 

 

Kíli’s wide eyes were what rewarded Fíli for his decision. With features full of wonder he stared into a nest were three fledglings were waiting to be fed as if he’d never seen anything more beautiful. At the sight Fíli’s heart skipped a beat, or at least it felt like it, while looking at Kíli’s warm smile.

 

 

“We use them to carry messages,” Fíli told him as he led the brunet through every single chamber of the aviary. “Since we speak to the ravens they can deliver messages that aren’t supposed for everyone’s ears, while we use the owls at night. Every folk is blind in the darkness and so they give us an advantage when we need one. In return we offer them safety and prey when the times are bad for whatever reason.”

 

 

“This is great. I didn’t believe such a place could exist inside a mountain,” Kíli confessed, craning his neck to drink every little detail the chambers offered him in with his eyes.

 

 

“There are only a few dwarven cities that can compare to Erebor’s architecture and wealth. You will notice a lot of places here that can’t be found beneath every other mountain.”

 

 

Kíli turned around to look at him, still wide-eyed and smiling like a child that had been offered sweets. “Such as?” He asked curiously, his primary nervousness seemed to be completely forgotten.

 

 

Fíli considered this question carefully, he lived here since his birth and was already accustomed to all those different places that astonished every visitor. “The forge is quite spectacular, as is the library,” he mused. They weren’t his favourites, he had to read so many documents a day that he’d long lost the ability to enjoy reading and the forges might be impressive but Fíli preferred working with simple tools and not the monstrosities they used there. Still, he had to admit these places were stunning.

 

 

And it seemed like he’d mentioned exactly the right ones, for Kíli’s face seemed to light up even more – if this was even possible at all. “I would really like to see the library,” the brunet confessed.

 

 

“Then the library is our next destination,” Fíli told him with a nod.

 

 

Arriving in the library the librarian was more than happy to give the prince and his companion a tour through the hall. It was almost embarrassing how much every little smile on Kíli’s lips during the tour made him feel like having butterflies in his stomach, a pleasant tingling and a quickened heartbeat transformed into his constant companions. He didn’t know Kíli for very long, but he was enamoured with him since he’d first laid eyes on him and the longer he spent time with the brunet, the more this feeling in him seemed to grow. _One_ , a voice in his head whispered and for the first time in his life it was difficult for him to deny it. Maybe it was the way Kíli could even appreciate the smallest things that attracted the blond, it was a poor attempt of his mind to explain what his heart wanted to phrase differently, that he’d found the other part of his soul. Fíli shook his head, feelings and reason never worked well together. But the one thing Fíli could say with all certainty was that he belonged to the rational type and didn’t decide something with gut instinct, this time wouldn’t be any different even though his heart tried to head him off.

 

 

The tour ended when it got already dark outside of the mountain. Kíli beamed happily at him. “Thank you so much for showing me the aviary and the library!” He gave profuse thanks to him.

 

 

“It was my pleasure,” he replied. “Although I think most of the credit goes to the librarian.”

 

 

Before Fíli was able to say anything else Kíli’s stomach made itself felt by rumbling loudly. A sheepish blush crept to the other dwarf’s cheeks, his arms twining around his own middle as if it could silence his stomach.

 

 

“It seems I’ve kept you occupied a bit too long,” Fíli stated, laughing kindly. “Would you do me the favour and have dinner with me? “

 

 

“I-I,” he stammered, obviously not expecting an invitation. Kíli needed a moment to recover from the unexpected surprise. “I would like that,” the dwarf answered eventually.

 

 

“Excellent,” Fíli replied, leading Kíli to the royal wing and into his chambers.

 

 

It only needed a few words to one of the servants and a second place was set on the table. It wasn’t unusual for Fíli to eat his dinner alone, he’d breakfast with his uncle every day since other meals had often been delayed by their duties so they’d long ago come to the agreement that breakfast was a meal they would always eat together, while the others were partaken alone or in the company of other dwarves.

 

 

Fíli didn’t know why he thought Kíli came from a poor home, maybe because Bofur had picked him up while the lad was wandering the streets or because he’d looked at the books in the library as if he’d never seen these things before. As they started to eat however, he saw how much he was mistaken. Not only knew Kíli exactly which cutlery to use for the soup, the fish, the meat and the dessert, he also ate with a bearing only noble people seemed to have. It made him wonder where the brunet came from. Had something happened to his family? It wasn’t uncommon that certain incidents ruined wealthy families or that envier attacked. Whatever had happened to Kíli however, Fíli didn’t dare to ask. In the end they barely knew each other and it would be considered rude and foolish to be too nosy now.

 

 

So instead of satisfying his curiosity he aimed for impersonal questions. Kíli answered every one of them and even found the courage to ask Fíli some things about Erebor and his life as a prince in return. During their conversation Fíli noticed the other eating a lot more than he did, but Bombur said the brunet had looked half-starved when he first came to Erebor and so Fíli couldn’t blame him. If he was quite honest he thought Kíli too skinny as well and the too loose clothes he was wearing and probably belonged to Bofur only intensified this impression.

 

 

“I would like to see you again soon,” Fíli admitted when they finally had to part in order to allow Kíli to appear at Bombur’s tavern in time for his shift.

 

 

Kíli gave him a smile. “I would like that very much, prince Fíli.”

 

 

Despite of his former thinking Fíli couldn’t resist and gave Kíli a little peck on the cheek. Immediately he could watch how Kíli blushed deeply and he felt unbelievably smug, knowing that he was the cause of this reaction.

 

 

“See you soon,” he bade the other goodbye. His eyes not leaving Kíli until the young dwarf had rounded the corner at the end of the hallway.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kind words! I was blown away from the response the first chapter got. You're awesome! :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Fíli and Kíli meet again and Kíli seems a bit sick...

 

 

It wasn’t long until he saw Kíli again, although under unpleasant circumstances. Only three days after their shared dinner in Fíli’s chambers the court met to discuss the case of the boot-maker. Fíli, Kíli and some other dwarves were present to tell their side of the story so Thorin and the court could find a suitable punishment for the old dwarf’s crime.

 

 

Kíli looked sickly pale when entered the hall to sit beside Bombur at the other end of the courtroom. Fíli felt a sudden pang in his chest at the sight. He wanted nothing more than to go over and lay an arm around Kíli’s slender frame. But Fíli sat next to Thorin, who was currently in a deep conversation with Balin and even if his uncle wasn’t there to witness what he wished to do, it wouldn’t be proper. They didn’t know each other long enough, still he could hardly ignore the pull at his heart.

 

 

However, he was soon distracted as the trial began. The court Fíli was normally part of contained dwarves he knew nearly for his whole life and he trusts every one of them. At it was now, with Fíli himself being involved in the incident that had taken place at Bombur’s tavern, he couldn’t affect the sentence. His emotions could cloud his judgment and today he was therefore only holding a representative office. He would take no action, but is part if the court and has to sit amongst the other dwarves.

 

 

All of Fíli’s thoughts were dismissed when the guards led the boot-maker into the hall and Thorin started the trial. Balin read a document aloud that contained the accusations. It was quiet while he did so, only the accused tried to deny his actions, but was silenced by a guard. The boot-maker was the first allowed to tell his side of the story, it didn’t surprise Fíli that it wasn’t once coinciding with the actual events of the evening. Kíli was the next that was allowed to speak. His voice was quiet and he was looking so scared and pale that Fíli feared he was going to faint any moment. While he listened to Kíli, Fíli learned something about the events he hadn’t known until know. The boot-maker had touched him inappropriately, Kíli had insulted him in returned, which had ended with the dwarf grabbing him forcefully, everything he told the court after this declaration matched Fíli’s memories.

 

 

More witnesses were questioned, including him, Bombur and Dwalin. It didn’t take the court even an hour to get all the needed information and to pronounce the sentence. It was quite clear that the accused was lying, something Fíli had known right from the beginning, but the court had to follow certain guidelines. The boot-maker would’ve to pay a high amount of gold to Kíli and the Ur-family, where the young dwarf was living at the moment, as well as going back to jail for another three months. Someone would argue this was a too high price for an offence as this, but since the law that assured equality to every resident of Erebor was still new in comparison to all the others, drastic measures were taken to secure the compliance. And that the boot-maker had tried to attack him, the prince, had sealed his fate furthermore.

 

 

After the sentence was pronounced and the accused had been escorted to his cell, the court and everyone else present broke up. Fíli was relieved to see that Kíli and Bombur remained at the entrance to the hall. The ginger-haired dwarf patted the brunet’s back gently, saying something to him that got lost in the babel of voices of leaving people. It gave Fíli the change to catch up with them. Worry was gnawing at his insides, Kíli was still too pale for his liking. Maybe he needed just a bit of fresh air.

 

 

“Are you all right?” He asked the brunet immediately as soon as he was in hearing range.

 

 

“Yes,” Kíli croaked, he sounded shaken. It made Fíli doubt his answer.

 

 

Bombur, who’d obviously no problem in reading his expression, began to speak: “Oh, don’t worry. He is all right. That bastard just threatened him when he walked past us, but don’t worry, lad. He won’t harm you, we won’t let him.”

 

 

Kíli nodded slightly, but didn’t seem convinced. Fíli clenched his fists with oppressed anger at the moment he wasn’t able to do much about it, since the boot-maker was brought to his cell, but he would find a way to make sure that this disgusting filth never came near Kíli again.

 

 

He took a deep breath to calm himself before he dared to address Kíli again. The young dwarf was already frightened as it was, Fíli didn’t want to add anything to unsettle him even more.

 

 

“I wanted to go for a little walk outside the mountain to clear my head. Care to join me?”

 

 

These words alone lit up Kíli’s features and it warmed Fíli’s heart to see the familiar sparkle in his eyes again he’d already come to love. It should irritate him to feel this way after he’d even tried to tell himself that he wasn’t this kind of person, but all these thoughts paled compared to the feeling of happiness within him.

 

 

Before Kíli could agree, although it stood out a mile that he wanted to, Bombur gave him a little push. “That sounds like a wonderful idea. I’m going to tell Bofur that you will come a bit later to his shop today.”

 

 

Fíli darted a grateful glance to Bombur, which the corpulent dwarf returned with a wink. They made their way outside undisturbed, luckily guards were patrolling between Erebor and Dale all the time so Fíli didn’t need to take Dwalin with them. He knew that he needed a bodyguard, his position turned him into the perfect target to anyone who wanted to harm Thorin and his line. But with all the guards inside and around Erebor it wasn’t necessary to have Dwalin at his side all the time, instead the giant dwarf accompanied him on patrols, stood near him during important meetings and escorted Fíli whenever the prince had to visit other kingdoms.

 

 

Fíli was glad to spend some time alone with Kíli and so he chattered about all the things they crossed on their way like the huge oak tree that grew near the gates of Erebor and how he’d loved to climb it when he’d been just a dwarfling until the branches had started to bend under his weight. His uncle had ranted at him so many times Fíli had lost count. Of course only because Thorin was worried, but at that time Fíli hadn’t really understood it, he’d felt invincible, not once thinking he could’ve easily fallen to his death. What it would’ve done to Thorin… after losing his sister losing his nephew too… Fíli didn’t like to dwell on it, now he knew why his uncle acted the way he did, as a child everything had seemed unfair. But Thorin had raised him the best way he could and therefore Fíli was grateful, because Thorin had been the one thing for him the prince had never known, a parent.

 

 

However, the further they went, the more Fíli noticed Kíli’s taciturnity. Not many days ago Kíli had talked with him casually and now he barely got a word out, apart from an occasional hum, which should probably show him he was listening. At first Fíli thought he only needed a bit time to remember that Fíli wasn’t just the prince but also his own person, but the longer the walk lasted, the more his hopes diminished.

 

 

Eventually one glance at the brunet explained the reticence. Kíli was still sickly pale. Fíli had assumed a walk outside the mountain to get some fresh air and the warm rays of sunshine would help him to get his normal colour back and Kíli had looked up to a prospect like this, Fíli had seen it in his features. The young prince brought them to a stand as he became aware of the brunet’s too deep breathing. His whole posture looked stiff and… was he trembling?

 

 

“Are you all right?” Fíli asked against better judgement, for it was obvious that Kíli wasn’t all right.

 

 

“I… I,“ he began, interrupting himself to swallow audibly. And all of a sudden the last amount of colour left his cheeks. “Oh.”

 

 

Fíli had the presence of mind to grab for Kíli’s hair as the young dwarf bent forward to throw up. With one hand Fíli held the brunet’s hair, with the other he gently rubbed his back until his stomach calmed again. Under the horrible stench he wrinkled his nose, barely able to suppress a retching noise of his own.

 

 

It took it’s time until Kíli’s stomach finally settled again. Breathing hard and with an arm wound around his middle the young dwarf straightened. Fíli used a hand to steady him, when the other staggered slightly.

 

 

“Better?” Kíli nodded but to Fíli he still looked unwell. “Have you been feeling sick lately?”

 

 

“No,” he mumbled. “I think it was just the stress of the trial and his… his threat.”

 

 

Anger took over his concern. “He’s never coming near you again, I promise,” Fíli vowed.

 

 

It was hard to resist the urge of laying an arm around Kíli’s slender shoulders. He wanted to have him close, give him the feeling of safety, but he couldn’t shut the little voice in his head up. It was too soon, far too soon, for these feelings. It wasn’t proper and he might scare Kíli more with such a move than actually calm him. It would need time, however, waiting had never seemed so difficult.

 

 

“Come on, let’s get back so you can rest and get well again,” he told him with a gentle smile.

 

 

To his astonishment Kíli seemed truly saddened by this prospect and for a moment he even looked like he wanted to disagree, in the end he thought better of it and just bend his head, a clear sign of acceptance. It was such a little observation, but it gave Fíli hope. Maybe the brunet liked him just as much as he liked him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again so much for commenting the last chapter. I'm not sure what I did to deserve this response, but I'm definitely not going to complain! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Fíli learns something about Kíli that leads to betrayal and heartbreak...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, have you all read the last chapters really carefully? Have you read the Tags? Yes? Great! Then a part of this chapter shouldn't come as a surprise.

 

 

The next months seemed to fly by and not one week passed without him and Kíli spending time together. Fíli would continue their tour through Erebor since one day wasn’t enough to see every part of the mountains beauty or ride out with Kíli. Once he even took him with him to the training grounds. He learned that Kíli had never held a weapon in his hands, but when Fíli offered him to try archery after the brunet had stared longingly at one of the elaborately decorated bows he’d instantly taken to it. Every arrow had found the target and at the end of the day he managed to hit the bull’s eye. Fíli couldn’t deny that this unexpected skill turned him on; he was already looking forward to giving him a sword to see what the young dwarf could do with this weapon. Not only had Kíli impressed Fíli but also the other dwarves present, including Dwalin.

 

 

Although Dwalin wasn’t always in attendance when they met, some places Fíli was only allowed to go as long as his bodyguard went with him. As a result Dwalin got to know Kíli as well and soon bothered him with questions when Fíli would finally start courting the brunet. It was obvious that his uncle’s brother-in-arms liked Kíli as well. And how could anyone not?

 

 

Every time they met Fíli learned something new about the other dwarf. He was kind and funny and seemed to have such a big heart that it sometimes turned Fíli’s legs to jelly. Kíli opened up the more they spent time together, on one day Fíli had promised to look after Balin’s granddaughter and while he had often troubles managing her Kíli had no such problems. The girl loved him the moment he stepped inside with Fíli. The prince didn’t think that it had something to do with Kíli being a Bearer, but with his nature in general.

 

 

He got to know that Kíli’s favourite colour was blue, that he liked to take a walk while it was raining, even if it meant he would come home completely soaked and that he loved to help Bofur in the toyshop. Seeing children happy made him happy. Fíli believed it weren’t only the children, seeing people happy just seemed to do the trick for Kíli, but he kept that thought to himself. Kíli liked to dance and could play the fiddle, the same instrument Fíli preferred as well. On one evening they played music together for hours, although Kíli had insisted his skills were rusty. The brunet had clearly not much confidence in his own capabilities, because after his fingers had found their old rhythm there was no stopping them and they played until late at night.

 

 

And when Kíli asked him after his parents, Fíli felt like he could tell him anything. Kíli was a good listener, not once interrupting him as he told him about the day his father died defending Thorin during an orc raid. Back in the day Fíli hadn’t even been born. The loss of her husband made the last weeks of the pregnancy hard on his mother and after she gave birth to him she got sick. His uncle had told him how much she’d loved him and how she’d fought, but in the end Dís was already too weak and couldn’t win against the infection.

 

 

“I wish you had gotten the chance to know them. They sound wonderful,” Kíli had said after Fíli finished. And Fíli wished that too, especially now that he’d found Kíli. After all Thorin had told him about his parents he was sure they would’ve loved Kíli. He’d never thought how a wedding would be without them, because the idea had never come up before he’d met the younger dwarf. But it was good for Kíli to know these things about him, it made a lot much easier.

 

 

Even Thorin seemed to warm up to the brunet, of course they hadn’t met so often, but his uncle appreciated Kíli’s kindness. Seeing them interact so well encouraged Fíli to officialise his intention. For Kíli it had to be quite clear what was about to follow, they hadn’t really kissed each other yet but Fíli always pecked him on the cheek when they had to part again. Everything else just hadn’t happened because they weren’t courting, something Fíli wanted to change as soon as possible.

 

 

So he’d spent the last week in the smithy whenever his duties had allowed it to forge the beads he would braid into Kíli’s hair. Fíli melted the silver, cast it in a mould he’d prepared beforehand and worked on them until he deemed them fit for his intentions. As he held them up to the light now, he examined them one last time. The silver glittered in the daylight, his crest conspicuously enwrought in the metal. Of course he would need braids with Kíli’s crest as well, at least if the brunet had one and Fíli was pretty sure that he did if he thought back to all the little things that had caught his eye, telling him that Kíli belonged to a noble family. But for now those beads would suffice.

 

 

He slipped the beads into his pocket before he knocked at the door of Bombur’s home, the home of the whole Ur-family to be correct. Fíli had sent a messenger to them a few days ago with a letter that spoke of his today’s visit. It was all planned, they would spend the evening together, just the two of them, they would’ve dinner, maybe play music like they had that one day – he loved how Kíli’s features had been glowing with happiness in this moment – and just before it was time to part he would present Kíli with the beads and braid them into his hair if the brunet allowed him.

 

 

When the door opened he must’ve been grinning like an idiot. Bofur greeted him and invited him inside.

 

 

“He needs a few seconds,” Bofur told him. “Has to change his tunic. One of our little costumers today was a bit too eager and knocked over the paint Kíli was using, the lad got it all over his clothes.” He told him cheerfully. “You can go up to him, he’s sleeping in my room, so I hope you still remember the way.”

 

 

Fíli nodded. A few years ago when the times had been hard, because of a too dry summer and too long winter, there had been neither servants nor family to watch him while Thorin had to deal with all kind of problems, he’d stayed with Bofur and his family for a few days. His father had been good friends with the toymaker before his death and so the merry dwarf had been quite happy to look after him. The years after he’d often paid them a visit, now he only went to Bombur’s tavern once a month. His duties were time-devouring and the free time he still had was mostly used otherwise.

 

 

Climbing the stairs with anticipation and crossing the hallway with a bright smile on his lips, Fíli entered Bofur’s chamber. Immediately the smile froze on his face.

 

 

Kíli was bare-chested. The stained tunic carelessly discarded on the floor, he was in the act of grabbing a clean one spread on the bed, when Fíli came in. This wasn’t what shocked him, it was the visible swell of the other dwarf’s belly. A swelling that wasn’t fat, but came from something growing inside him. The too wide clothes had hidden it all this time. Fíli remembered how Kíli had thrown up after the trial… _stress_ , his own stupidity almost made him laugh. Kíli was pregnant. He’d fallen in love with a pregnant Bearer. He’d opened his heart to him, told him about his parents, while the other had lied… the whole time…

 

 

He’d forged beads for this lad and he was… yes what? Married? Then where were his beads, telling others that he was taken? So what then? Whoring? Whatever it was it set Fíli’s blood afire. How dare he deceive him like that? Over the last months he’d made an utter fool out of himself!

 

 

“What are you? A whore?” Fíli snapped. Seeing Kíli flinch wasn’t even satisfying, there was too much anger boiling inside him for anything else. He thought of all those smiles, how they’d enamoured him, how he’d wanted to kiss him because of them. Now he felt only disgust. How could he have been so stupid?

 

 

“What did you try to gain with this farce?” Fíli thought back on all of those days he’d spent with Kíli and how he knew nothing about the brunet aside from unimportant facts. A noble family, what a joke! This guy was probably just an actor and a damn good one. It made the pain in his heart only worse. How could an organ hurt so much and still work?

 

 

“It’s not… it’s… I’m not a whore,” Kíli stammered, tears welling in his eyes.

 

 

“I don’t care what you are!” Fíli shouted. “You must’ve really loved it, twisting me around your little finger to have someone to care for you and your bastard!” Poison instead of words, but felt so good, so much better than dealing with the pain in his chest. “You’re disgusting! You shame Bofur’s and Bombur’s kindness.”

 

 

“Fíli-” he sobbed, but the prince interrupted him.

 

 

“No! You don’t have the right to call me by my name.” He was close to tears now himself. He’d gifted this boy his heart, this… this lying snake… _Ones_ … what a cruel joke. “I never want to see your face again.” Fíli croaked ere he turned around and left, Kíli’s sobbing ringing in his ears.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, you people are awesome! Your kind words keep me motivated. <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kíli's thoughts are full of regret...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the ending of the last chapter was a bit mean I decided to post the next one a bit earlier. Also see it as a thank you for all your lovely comments. I'm still so blown away from the response this story is getting!

 

 

Bofur had advised him to wait. Fíli would come around, he’d the bad temper of his uncle when he got angry, he’d said. But Kíli couldn’t wait. Fíli’s expression had been one of utter betrayal and Kíli knew this feeling far too well to just hope the prince would change his mind. He had to make amends. And so he made his way to the royal wing after he’d finally been able to compose himself.

 

 

Kíli wasn’t sure what he was going to tell him. This whole disaster was his fault. Fíli had been nothing but kind to him, had shown him around and taught him so many things about this mountain. What kind of prince did this? Definitely not those his parents had often talked about. The blond was so different compared to all the noble people he’d met in his live. He hadn’t treated him like property, to be fair the most people here treated him like he was an equal, but that didn’t make him appreciate Fíli’s efforts any less.

 

 

He’d come to like the prince, more than that if he was being honest and now he’d ruined everything. While he walked he could practically feel the stares of the dwarves he moved past. He swallowed fearfully. Kíli knew that gossip was the fastest traveller, was it really possible for them to have heard about his condition, though? Bofur’s wide tunic hid his growing belly very well and still… Anxiously he tugged at the hem of his tunic, his eyes wandering a bit too often to his middle. He just wanted to ensure the swell was well hidden, in the end this probably made it only more obvious.

 

 

Miners and other workers crossed his way, all on their way home and they stared and stared while he walked past them. Kíli felt nauseous, a feeling that wasn’t related to his state. Being able to feel the first movements of the child for a while now wasn’t helping either, instead the soft fluttering only worsened the nausea. He swallowed hard, intending to keep his food down.

 

 

Once he reached the stairs to the royal wing however, the bustle slowly died away until he could only hear his own footsteps echoing from the high walls. Dwalin’s giant figure towered at the end of the stairs and prevented Kíli from setting a foot in the intended section of the mountain.

 

 

“You can turn around again. You have no business here!” The warrior growled warningly.

 

 

Put off his stride Kíli froze for a few heartbeats while carefully examining the others features. The couple of times he’d met Dwalin had already told him, that the dwarf probably wouldn’t hesitate to throw him over the banister if he so much as breathed wrong. It didn’t surprise him, he’d hurt Fíli. Kíli never wanted to cause him pain, but this was exactly what he’d done. He needed to apologise, more than everything else.

 

 

“Please, Dwalin” he begged. “I… I need to explain… I want to apologise.”

 

 

But the other dwarf only crossed his arms in a dismissive gesture. “You know,” he started. “We have a saying here. _A pregnant Bearer without a partner is bad business_. The prince doesn’t need any bad business, so turn around, before I make you,” Dwalin hissed.

 

 

The furious glint in his eyes made him flinch, one hand automatically wandering to his belly. He was shaking with fear, sweat pouring down his back while his heart pounded painfully and the nausea seemed to double. The tightness in his throat made breathing heart. But it wasn’t Dwalin who caused all these sensations, it was the possibility of never seeing Fíli again. It hurt… Mahal… it hurt so much. He’d never experienced anything that intense.

 

 

“I beg you,” he tried again, considering for one second to kneel before him but deciding against it. “Please let me to him. Just for a moment so I can explain-“

 

 

“You had enough time to explain this,” and here Dwalin pointed to Kíli’s belly, “to him. You had your chance. I have orders from the prince himself to send you away. So, will you leave willingly or do I have to make you?” The young dwarf knew that Dwalin wasn’t a cold-hearted person, but in this moment there was no kindness in his gaze. The warrior would make him leave, forcibly if necessary.

 

 

Kíli bent his head to hide the tears he slowly lost the fight against. Dwalin was right. He’d had enough opportunities to tell Fíli about his condition, to tell Fíli the truth. Instead he’d stayed quiet and hurt the man he’d fallen in love with in the process. Slouching he turned around without another word and started back. He could hear the dwarves whispering he passed by on his way home. Gossip, he realised in that moment, was even faster than he’d ever imagined. Even though it couldn’t have been more than two hours since Fíli learned what Kíli had tried to keep a secret, the whole mountain was already tattling about it. Some saw him as a dirty whore, others as an adulterer. A group of dwarrowdams believed he’d tried to bind Fíli with a child, while three miners discussed for how many he must’ve spread his legs.

 

 

It was shameful and hurtful to listen to and most of the way Kíli held his head low to not let them see his tears. When he finally arrived at the place he now called home he went straight to his and Bofur’s chamber, crept under the covers of his bed and sobbed until his eyes hurt and his chest burned. He’d hoped for a fresh start at this place, but at the moment he couldn’t tell which one was worse, Erebor or the settlement he came from.

 

 

At some point he must’ve fallen asleep, cause the next he took notice of was the brightness of a new day in the chamber. He groaned. His head hurt and his cheeks felt taut from the dried tears. It had to be late and he was supposed to help Bofur and Bifur in the toyshop again, although he mostly assisted Bofur since Bifur sat in a back room and designed all those beautiful toys the children loved so much. But that the Ur-family hadn’t woken him spoke volumes and then the memories of the last day came rushing back. All of a sudden he was near tears again. He’d lost the respect of every dwarf beneath this mountain, but what was most important, he’d lost Fíli. In this moment he just wanted bury himself under the covers of his bed and never come out of his hiding, ever.

 

 

So that was what he did. What use would he be for Bofur and Bombur now anyway? He’d would probably only ruin their business with his presence, like he ruined anything he touched. All his life Kíli wanted to believe the words weren’t true, that he wasn’t worthless, but now he saw for the first time how right they’d been. The young dwarf stuffed the corner of the blanket into his mouth, hoping it would help to stifle his sobs.

 

 

The door to the chamber wasn’t opened until the evening. Kíli could hear steps approaching him, he didn’t stir and remained laying on his side and staring at the wall. The mattress dipped slightly where the other took a seat. Someone sighed deeply.

 

 

“You need to get up and eat something, lad,” Bofur told him, his voice lacking his usual cheerfulness. It sounded wrong and Kíli had to squeeze his eyes shut to suppress the tears that threatened to overwhelm him again. He hated crying, but he just couldn’t help it.

 

 

“I’m not hungry,” he croaked. There seemed to be nothing in him anymore, besides the shame and the bleeding wound in his chest that had once been his heart.

 

 

“I know you’re not,” he said and to Kíli’s surprise truly sounded like he did. “But you’ve to look after yourself, if you can’t do it for yourself then think of the little one. You need to keep your strength for him.”

 

 

As on reflex Kíli’s hand grazed his belly, right now he couldn’t feel the fluttering movements just the familiar weight. His lips wobbled slightly. Being carried by a pathetic Bearer wasn’t the child’s fault. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell-“ Kíli started hoarsely, but was kept from finishing.

 

 

“You don’t need to tell us anything, Kíli.” Bofur cut him off. “After Bifur got the axe he lost his abilities to communicate. We had to start using Iglishmêk to talk to him, but he still needed more than two years to entrust us with anything that had to do with this day and we are his family. What I’m trying to say is: if you are not ready to tell us something, then you don’t have to. We understand.” Kíli’s shoulders had started to tremble. How did he deserve so much kindness? “Come down with me, please. Dinner is ready.”

 

 

“I don’t feel like having company.” He hated to disappoint Bofur after he’d shown him sympathy and kindness. Bofur, Bombur, his wife and Bifur, they would all try to make dinner as pleasant for him as possible and he appreciated it, but Bombur’s children were a different kettle of fish. Some of them were too young to understand and while he knew that they would mean no harm he wasn’t able to endure any kind of stares or questions today, the wound was still too sore.

 

 

“All right, then I’m going to bring you something,” Bofur said, gently patting Kíli’s covered foot where the toymaker was sitting. “Make sure to eat at least a bit and never forget that you’re always welcome here.”

 

 

Bofur stayed true to his words and Kíli forced himself to finish off the whole bowl of stew. The next few days were similar to the last one. He didn’t leave the chamber as long as it wasn’t completely necessary, Bofur brought him food and Kíli made sure to eat up. The family never asked him if he was ready to work again at the toyshop or the tavern and it made him feel so guilty. He’d nothing to offer them in return, but he was too scared of the talk outside of his home to go back to his old schedule. The only thing he still seemed able to do was lying in bed and crying. He was sick of it, sick of himself, but he had no idea how to change it.

 

 

It was not much later that Bifur entered the chamber, shoving a stuffed toy to his face while Kíli had been trying to sleep, as he did so often since he lost Fíli. Startled he sat upright. It took a while until his slow mind recognised the thing as what it was. A ram, a plush-ram. Confused Kíli examined the cuddly toy and looked up to Bifur again. The other dwarf waggled with the toy and pointed with his other hand at Kíli’s belly.

 

 

“Oh,” it slipped out as it dawned on him. He accepted the gift, petting the fluffy fabric of the toy. “Thank you,” he whispered, receiving a warm smile in return. Even though he wasn’t helping them at the moment, they all tried to cheer him up. Accepted him the way he was. Kíli sniffed.

 

 

The next day he ate with the family again and went back to work.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kíli tells his story...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so bad for the last two chapters that I have to post the new one today. I don't want to leave you hanging too long.

 

 

Three weeks had passed since that horrible day and Fíli was still miserable. He’d heard from Dwalin that Kíli had come by once, but was made to leave like Fíli had ordered. The feeling of betrayal just didn’t want to vanish; he’d even started messing up some of his duties. His uncle wasn’t happy and Fíli didn’t like it either what kind of control Kíli had over him. On top of that the atmosphere in his troop was strained. Bombur’s oldest son was no longer talking to him, he still listened to his orders but it wasn’t the same, as if he’d lost his trust.

 

 

This evening they’d argued for a long time if they should go to the tavern or find a new place. In the end Fíli had decided to maintain their routine, Mahal, he was the one that was in a dispute with Kíli and would be damned if he let this affect his companions. Besides Bombur wasn’t to blame, it was Kíli and so he wouldn’t allow this to break his friendship. He couldn’t shake off the nervous feeling nevertheless when they stepped into the tavern.

 

 

The business of the public house made his eyes go wide. Except for one occupied table the tavern was empty. Four miners were drinking their after-work ale, talking in lowered voices. No dwarves smoking their pipes, no musicians playing merry songs, just an uncomfortable emptiness greeted them. Bombur, spotting them instantly standing in the entrance area, moved around the bar and was now heading for them. He was lacking his usual warm smile.

 

 

“Are you here to cause any trouble?” He asked.

 

 

Taken aback Fíli still observed the taproom, before he was finally able to look at the ginger-haired dwarf. “What? No, of course not!”

 

 

“Why is no one here?” Dwalin wondered behind him.

 

 

Bombur huffed and mumbled something in his beard that sounded slightly like _isn’t it obvious?_ Fíli’s group however got addressed much more brusquely. “Guests that insult my staff aren’t welcome here.”

 

 

Remorse rose in his chest as he finally realised what he’d done. When he’d returned to his chambers three weeks ago, seething with rage, and Dwalin had asked him what the matter was, he’d just vent his displeasure, paying the servants no mind that were busy with cleaning his chambers. How could he have been so stupid? Gossip spread much too fast and within hours every dwarf must’ve learned about the circumstances. He’d opened Kíli to the hate of the public. Fíli lowered his head in shame. He was the prince! He shouldn’t allow things like this to happen. But he had and there was no way to undo it now.

 

 

They took their seat at a table near the bar, their conversations missing the normal eagerness and the ale tasted bitter on Fíli’s tongue until he had to push his tankard away, fearing he was going to throw up otherwise. The feeling in his stomach got only worse when he saw Kíli entering. The too wide tunics Bofur had handed him were now, three weeks later, no longer able to hide the growing belly, instead the fabric clung to Kíli’s middle. It was, however, the red stain on his right temple and the sticky hair there that put his heart into a vice and squeezed it until his whole chest contracted.

 

 

Bombur saw it too and hurried to his side, grabbing his chin and turning the brunet’s head to have a look at his temple. Kíli squirmed in his grip. “It’s nothing. Just a rotten tomato,” he argued. Bombur shook his head and sighed, it was obvious how much the current situation upset him.

 

 

“Go home and wash the vegetable out of your hair.” Bombur told him. “Today there isn’t much work to do anyway.”

 

 

Kíli watched him, an uncertain expression on his features, but nodded eventually. He’d already turned around when Fíli couldn’t watch it any longer. He knew that people looked up to him, so he should’ve acted like a real prince. Instead he’d forgotten his responsibilities to his people in his anger and Kíli was part of his people after all. He’d no right to apply double standards. Fíli vowed to take care of the situation, but at first he needed to ask for Kíli’s forgiveness.

 

 

Kíli seemed to shrink into himself as he noticed Fíli walking up to them. Bombur took a step forward before Fíli could get near him, crossing his arms and glancing at him like one wrong movement would get him terribly hurt. Fíli tried to ignore the glare… easier said than done.

 

 

“Can we talk?” Kíli stared at him as if he’d lost his mind, but Bombur laid a hand on his shoulder to stop him before the brunet was able to do a step forward. The corpulent dwarf raised his brows, shooting Fíli an expectant look. The prince had to suppress the urge to role his eyes at the actions of the other. “Please,” he added. This did the trick and Bombur walked back behind the bar.

 

 

“Uhm… here or somewhere else?” Kíli asked, fidgeting a bit.

 

 

“In private, if you don’t mind.”

 

 

Kíli nodded and together they left the tavern, heading for the backdoor of Bombur’s home, which wasn’t very far away from the tavern. Kíli took a seat on the bench in the empty kitchen, rubbing the small of his back with a groan. Whereas Fíli preferred to stand near the window, his eyes roaming over an empty backyard.

 

 

It took Fíli a while to find the courage to say something, since he didn’t really know how to begin, but as he took a deep breath to voice his apology, it was Kíli who started to speak.

 

 

“Before I came here I lived in a settlement of the Grey Mountains,” Kíli told him, his eyes gazing at anything but him, eventually they settled on focussing his intertwined fingers, the way he’d knotted them together looked rather painful. “My father was the chieftain of the settlement, a bigwig you could say. He and my mother always wished for a strong son they could marry off to a daughter of the chieftain of our neighbour settlement to increase their power. But instead of a strong son they got me, a Bearer. They never lost the opportunity to tell me how unwanted and worthless I was. They tried for another child, but my mother didn’t conceive again. They tried to make the best of it by looking for a good match for me.”

 

 

Kíli’s voice sounded eerie in the empty kitchen. It gave him chills thinking about the Grey Mountains, where Bearers were seen like property… like slaves. They were sold, breed and locked up. Fíli had only once visited the Grey Mountains, together with his uncle Frerin who was constantly traveling between the kingdoms to forge alliances. It was a memory he didn’t want to dwell on, he’d been immensely relieved after he’d left those mountains again. The way Kíli told his tale made him already assume the worst. The prince took a seat beside Kíli, the brunet didn’t even seem to notice.

 

 

“I learned all these things like playing the fiddle, dancing, poetry,” he grimaced as if he was chewing on something bitter, “all kind of stuff that was supposed to help me entertain my future husband. Five years before I came of age I met him for the first time. Jari, a fat, cruel bastard, I bet he spent most of his gold for boozing, food and whores. If I didn’t do what he said he would hit me, mostly in the face, so everyone could see the bruises and that I was misbehaving. No one tried to help me, because I’m a Bearer… well, all right, that’s not completely true, but it felt like I was alone.”

 

 

Before Fíli knew what he did, he’d already put an arm around Kíli’s shoulder. With a sigh the brunet leaned into the embrace, no doubt searching for comfort.

 

 

“The wedding was on the day I came of age. I’d thought a long time about fleeing from this place. Luckily I had one friend there, who promised to help me. His name is Ori and he’s a Bearer just like me, but his brothers didn’t want that life for him and kept it a secret. We have this tradition there… after the marriage the wedded pair has to lay together, afterwards the groom goes back to his guests to get terribly drunk with them, while his partner remains locked in their bedroom and prays for a fruitful marriage. This was the only moment I was ever unattended and therefore the only time I could escape without them chasing me instantly.”

 

 

Kíli’s voice sounded hoarse by now and he had to take a few deep breaths to continue. Fíli’s throat felt incredibly tight, he tugged Kíli closer, it couldn’t erase the past but hopefully it was going to show him, that he was not alone. The young dwarf shuddered in his arm before he continued.

 

 

“I had to lay with him. It was the only way. He was rough, talking the whole time that he owned me and that I would bear him child after child, because that’s the only thing I’m good for,” Kíli tried to stifle the sob, but it was in vain. By now he clung to Fíli as if his life depended on it. “I didn’t want it, but I had to. Not long after he left Ori’s brother Nori picked the lock. I took a few supplies and ran and have never locked back since then. But of course I had to conceive a child in this night, my bad luck is unsurpassed!”

 

 

Fíli sighed, tears burning in his eyes, while he gently stroked the brunet’s hair. He couldn’t imagine a life like this, how much strength it had to take to not accept a fate as this, to fight, to get out, to start a new life at a place he knew no one. Kíli had been so deeply hurt and was still so strong.

 

 

“I wish you would’ve trusted me enough to tell me all of this sooner,” he breathed into Kíli’s hair and could feel the brunet stiffen in his arms.

 

 

“I trusted you. I still do,” Kíli swore.

 

 

“No, you didn’t.” The body in his arms trembled and tears moistened the crook of his neck. He wished he was able to take back his words, wished he could make the pain in Kíli’s heart disappear, but he was just a dwarf and no wizard and who knew if wizards even could. “But I understand now… I’m so sorry for my horrible words… and I hope… you will learn to trust me while I officially court you.”

 

 

Kíli lifted his head, bloodshot eyes shining with disbelieve. “You… you would still have me?”

 

 

“If you allow me,” he confirms with a warm smile.

 

 

And for the first time it was Kíli who kissed him. Not on the cheek, how Fíli had always done with him, but on the lips and it was soft and tender and everything Fíli wanted. He kisses him back, enjoying the warm feeling of lips against his, of a nose lightly rubbing his cheek and breath ghosting over his skin. He closes his lids to just feel. He doesn’t care about the wetness on Kíli’s cheeks or that there is the smell of a rotten tomato in the brunet’s hair. The moment is perfect and he wants for it to go on forever. He’s losing himself in the sensation of their kissing and the happiness and warmth inside his chest.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Frerin saves the day...

 

 

After Fíli had woven the beads into Kíli’s hair he’d looked him over with adoration. The beads suited him, the braids framing his delicate features and now that he knew Kíli’s family crest it wouldn’t be long until new beads in his hair would tell anyone who he belonged to. The fact that Kíli was already married wasn’t a problem. Erebor repudiated the kind of marriages Kíli had been forced into. Only people that loved each other were promised to one another and how much he was in love with the brunet told him his heart, which always seemed to do somersaults when he saw Kíli smile.

 

 

His uncle however wasn’t that happy when he learned of his intentions. The disaster four weeks ago was still fresh in everyone’s mind and since he’d only shared a part of the young dwarf’s past with the king and his advisors it wasn’t surprising they had second thoughts. But they were now officially courting and since the wedding had to happen before the child was born or it could cause trouble with the laws, he wouldn’t be stopped from marrying Kíli in two months from now. Thorin, Balin, Dwalin and so many others still tried to change his mind, which was why he found himself in a meeting room with the king and all of his confidants. It annoyed him greatly, especially since his beautiful consort-to-be was waiting for him in his chambers.

 

 

Thorin was massaging his forehead. “Not a few days ago you wanted to have nothing to do with him and all of a sudden you’ve changed your mind. I have to wonder why.”

 

 

“I already told you,” Fíli replied, straightening himself on his seat. “I didn’t know the background, it was a misunderstanding we luckily were able to clear up. I had forged the beads before our dispute.”

 

 

“And what tells you the lad isn’t lying?” Balin added to the discussion.

 

 

“Because I trust him.” The answer felt natural for Fíli, but it only made the other ones present groan. The sound of it made his fingers twitch with anger.

 

 

“Fíli, try to see sense. You are in love and sometimes love can cloud our judgement,” his uncle tried to convince him.

 

 

“If you don’t believe my word, then make inquiries. It should be easy to find out if the chieftains son of the settlement is a Bearer named Kíli.”

 

 

“And why haven’t you done this already?” Dwalin wanted to know. Fíli just couldn’t believe it. Dwalin, who had joked only weeks ago that their wedding seemed to be approaching, was now literally stabbing him in the back.

 

 

“Because he is my One. I don’t need more than his word,” Fíli insisted. They were locked in a stalemate. Nothing he could say or do would make them change their mind, but he didn’t intend on stepping down himself. They were probably going to sit here for hours. Fíli felt the urge to slap one of those pig-headed dwarves!

 

 

But at this very moment the doors to the meeting room burst open and a figure strode inside. The long dark hair resembled Thorin’s, the coat over his shoulders and the mud-caked boots telling them that he’d just arrived. Frerin’s face was a mask of indignation.

 

 

“I was gone for nearly a year and no one has the sense of decency to greet me at the gate? Shame on you! Shame on all of you!”

 

 

A wide smile took over Fíli’s features as he rose from his seat and went to meet his uncle. “Welcome home, uncle!” He greeted him, flinging his arms around him.

 

 

Frerin returned the hug, patting Fíli’s back while laughing effusively. “That’s more like it.” Grinning they parted again, which only ended in Frerin looking him up and down. Only after the other dwarf had convinced himself that Fíli didn’t seem like he was working too much he turned his attention back to Thorin and his advisers. “What’s going on here?”

 

 

Thorin sighed. “Take a seat and we’ll tell you.” But Frerin, always smarter than Thorin liked to admit, had watched Fíli closely and as he saw his nephew grimacing he crossed his arms, glanced challengingly at his brother and refused to sit down as long as he didn’t know what was going on.

 

 

It would’ve been amusing if the situation were a different one. Frerin listened, while Fíli stood awkwardly at his side. His other uncle had often taken his side, but in this moment Fíli wasn’t so sure if this time would be the same, since anyone else seemed to be against him. As soon as the word wedding was uttered however, Frerin clapped his hands with excitement.

 

 

“Fíli is going to marry? Oh, what wonderful news!” Jumping with joy he hugged Fíli again, visibly proud. “Oh, we definitely have to invite Dáin, he’d always tried to play matchmaker between his daughter and Fíli and I want to see his face when our Fíli marries someone else!”

 

 

“Frerin!” Thorin interrupted him brusquely, finally gaining the full attention of his brother. “It isn’t that easy.”

 

 

“Why?” Frerin asked, clearly not impressed by Thorin’s outburst. “Do you love him?” He wanted to know, looking at Fíli for an answer.

 

 

“Yes,” the prince replied immediately.

 

 

“And does he love you?” Fíli nodded. “So where is the problem? Because, seriously Thorin, I don’t see one. Let these two lovebirds be happy and stop ruining everyone’s mood.” Craning his neck, so that no other than Fíli would see, Frerin gave his nephew a wink.

 

 

At the other side of the meeting room Thorin was seething with rage. An argument between him and his little brother was inevitable. Frerin had entered the chamber mere minutes ago and he was already saving his hide from an endless meeting that would’ve only moved in circles. He so had to make it up to his uncle! As it was now he seized the moment and left chamber before anyone could stop him.

 

 

In his chambers Kíli was waiting for him. A few days ago the tailor had been send to the young dwarf's current home to get some proper clothes made. It was kind of Bofur to hand Kíli all of his sorted out tunics, pants and coats, since Kíli hadn't brought anything with him, expect the clothes he'd been wearing - who didn't fit him any longer due to his condition - and so new gowns were long overdue.

 

 

By now the clothes had arrived and Fíli had sent for his love to try them on. When Fíli stepped inside Kíli was wearing a dark blue tunic. It suited him. It was wide around the middle and therefore looked much more comfortable than Bofur's old garments that had already looked like they were soon going to burst from the swelling belly. Of course he could also wear a potato sack for all Fíli cared and would still look beautiful, but it was nice to see him in the fine garments he deserved.

 

 

"You look amazing," Fíli complimented him, winding his arms around Kíli, although the bump was slightly in the way, and kissed him tenderly. Kíli hummed happily into the kiss.

 

 

"Everything went all right?" Kíli asked as they parted again, but still holding the other close. The brunet was a bit out of breath and Fíli couldn't help but grin, knowing he was the reason.

 

 

"Not quite. But my uncle Frerin arrived and is giving them a piece of his mind at the moment. You will like him and I bet he's going to love you, too." He replied, leaning in for another kiss. If he hadn't duties to take care of, he believed he could do this forever. Kissing is love, tasting him on his lips, the way they seemed to fit perfectly together whenever he pulled the brunet flush against him, Kíli's hand in his hair, his other on his back. It was a feeling that made him drunk, the feeling of belonging, the singing in his soul, it told him everything about being happy, everything it meant to be in love, to be each other’s One.

 

 

His fingers had found the laces of Kíli's breeches and undid them without really thinking about it. Kíli moaned while Fíli kissed the side of his neck, so sensitive during pregnancy. Every part of him seemed to be sensitive and Fíli loved how a little touch could make his flesh crawl. Kíli was panting into his ear, encouraging him to go on, his hands made their way under his shirt, over the taut skin of the other's belly, up to his nipples. Kíli's breath hitched instantly, a little sob of pleasure escaping his throat as Fíli rubbed the little buds, he was clinging to him as if the prince was the only thing that kept him upright.

 

 

At least Kíli was already pregnant, so there could nothing happen others would frown upon. As soon as the thought had crossed his mind he chuckled lightly. What a silly thing to dwell on, when he'd such a wonderful man in his arms. So he licked and sucked, caressing his skin while Kíli's breathing became erratic.

 

 

"Fíli," he breathed, his moans turning into little whimpers.

 

 

“Want you,” Fíli murmured, his hands wandering to the undone breeches and started to slowly slide them down.

 

 

“No.” Kíli gently pushed against his chest, bringing Fíli back down to earth with a jolt. The drunken feeling vanished and he stared at his intended, confused and hurt.

 

 

“Did I do something wrong?” He wanted to know immediately.

 

 

“No,” the brunet shook his head, “it’s just… just…” Kíli didn’t finish his words, instead biting down on his kiss-swollen bottom lip, shirking from Fíli’s look with an expression of regret.

 

 

At first Fíli didn’t know how to class it, only a few heartbeats later however it dawned on him. Kíli had only ever lain with one person, with a person that hadn’t given him a choice, a person he hadn’t wanted. With this in mind it was surprising that Kíli hadn’t stopped him sooner, it spoke volumes of Kíli’s trust in him.

 

 

“Don’t worry,” he said, kissing him to keep him from biting his lip. “We won’t do anything before you are ready.”

 

 

“Thank you.” Kíli leaned into the embrace, resting his head on Fíli’s shoulder, who stroked his back tenderly. They stood like this for a while until the position got uncomfortable for Kíli. Since it was already getting dark he ushered Kíli into his bedroom, convincing him to spend the night here. It was time anyway that the brunet moved in with him. The wedding was going to happen, if his uncle liked it or not. Kíli was his One and so Fíli had the right to marry him without anyone interfering.

 

 

Kíli lay down on his side with Fíli sitting behind him. Carefully he massaged his sore back, while Kíli rubbed his growing belly, groaning.

 

 

“Is he kicking?” Fíli asked, leaning forward and frowning in concern.

 

 

Kíli nodded and huffed. “Like crazy.” It was silent for a few minutes, but something was bothering Kíli, Fíli could see it in the way he was looking at the bulge. “Fíli?” He started eventually, his voice sounding small and lost.

 

 

“Mh?”

 

 

“I don’t want to give him away.”

 

 

“Why do you think you have to give him away?” He wondered, getting on the other side of the bed so he could see his love’s face and pull him close. Kíli shuddered as Fíli tucked them up.

 

 

“I know your people think I only want to burden you with the child, that I tricked you and want for him to take your throne away. I know the sensible thing it so give him away, but-“

 

 

“Shh,” Fíli interrupted him. “We are not going to give our child away.”

 

 

“Our?” There was so much hope in Kíli’s eyes that it made his heart bleed. He wished he’d thought before he acted. Wished he’d given Kíli the opportunity to explain everything right from the start. It was his fault that his people distrusted his betrothed. But he would make it right again, in making the right decisions.

 

 

“He may not be mine by blood, but we will raise him together. He will be our child.” He’d known right from the start, when he’d braided the beads into Kíli’s hair, that with his love for him would also come the responsibility for a child. He was willing to take this step if it meant to be with Kíli.

 

 

Kíli sniffed and gave him a wobbly smile. “I love you,” he whispered, crushing their lips together.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... sorry... no smut in this story, I don't think I could write it, it would probably only sound awkward or something.
> 
> Anyway, thank you all so much for your lovely comments. You're awesome!  
> Oh, and if you have suggestions for a name for the child, please don't hesistate to tell me, because I have one but it feels more like a place holder than a fitting name. So I would be really thankful for any suggestions! Here or via tumblr (I'm using the same name there as I do here), whatever you prefer!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kíli is caught up by his past...

 

 

Only two weeks until the wedding and nearly a month until he would give birth, at least that was what Óin, the most trusted healer in Erebor and relative of king Thorin, had confirmed. If Kíli was honest, he’d no idea how to do this for another month. His belly was so big by now that he waited for it to burst at any moment and remembering that it would only grow some more during the next weeks made him groan with annoyance. The weight in his middle disbalanced him frequently and made his back ache. He couldn’t even walk anymore, no, he _waddled_. Not to mention the tiredness, being out of breath after only a bit of moving around and the constant need to pee. How had Bombur’s wife done this twelve times without going crazy? Mahal, how could someone do this once without going crazy?

 

 

The baby kicked him as if it had read his thoughts and wanted to scold him for his lack of enthusiasm.

 

 

“Ugh, no. Please don’t do this now. I’m dizzy and nauseous and your kicking isn’t helping,” Kíli addressed the bulge while stroking it in wide circles, hoping to calm the child.

 

 

“My little sister cursed her husband constantly for doing this to her while she was pregnant with Fíli,” Frerin pulled him out of his thoughts as he closed the door behind him, obviously having overheard his words.

 

 

A few days ago he’d moved in with Fíli and had met Frerin at the same time. Fíli had been correct, he’d liked the other dwarf right from the beginning. There was something cordially about Thorin’s brother, it was hard to describe but it made it easy to like him. And he hadn’t looked sceptically after Fíli had told him that the child in Kíli’s belly wasn’t his, this only made him twice as likeable in Kíli’s eyes, he was so tired of the constant stares other people were still giving him. Sometimes it made him feel like an animal on an auction that had to be examined very thoroughly before it could be sold.

 

 

When Fíli wasn’t around and the Ur-family occupied elsewhere it was Frerin who would sit with him and distract him from all the troubles he was causing Fíli. His betrothed wouldn’t tell him everything, perhaps to keep stress away from him now that his due date was nearing steadily, but he couldn’t hide everything and despite the wedding being announced and invitations being issued it didn’t go without notice that it wasn’t as settled as it seemed. After all, there weren’t any important meetings Fíli was needed for – Frerin was his valuable source, unlike Fíli he didn’t try to spare him from anything.

 

 

“Really?” He asked, voice full of disbelieve. Having heard others talk about pregnancy and what a wonderful time it was had made him feel like an outcast, allowing thoughts to haunt his mind and making him believe that he was doing something wrong that prevented him from enjoying it.

 

 

“Oh yes. She wanted to be a mother and loved Fíli nonetheless, mind you, but she was always complaining and cursing in a rather unladylike way why it wasn’t possible to have a child without going through all of this,” Frerin told him, beyond doubt remembering those moments he was talking about and thereby chuckling lightly.

 

 

Fíli’s uncle took a seat beside him on one of the stuffed chairs. Kíli was still sitting at the table he’d breakfast with Fíli, but he couldn’t bring himself to eat anything. The smell wasn’t even the problem like it had often been during the first months of his pregnancy, but the nausea was there nevertheless and so he only nipped at his third cup of tea this morning – he assumed he was going to regret this decision very soon, at the latest when the baby pressed on his bladder again.

 

 

“Do you mind if I eat this?” The other dwarf asked, pointing at Kíli’s untouched plate. The eggs, the bread and the bacon had long gone cold, but if he’d learned one thing about Frerin in the short time he’d gotten to know him, then it was that Frerin could eat pretty much anytime.

 

 

“Please, help yourself,” he said, shoving the plate to him as if to underline his words.

 

 

The king’s brother tucked into it almost instantly, finishing the abandoned breakfast while Kíli emptied his mug.

 

 

Frerin sighed contentedly. “You only start to appreciate things, when they are gone. After traveling for months and having to eat your tasteless provisions or whatever strange food your hosts serve you there is nothing like Erebor’s cuisine, I tell you.”

 

 

“So you only pay me a visit because of the food? I feel insulted,” Kíli giggled.

 

 

“Oh no, don’t overestimate the food, it only makes two-thirds of the reason I come here,” he joked.

 

 

“How charming,”Kíli laughed, earning a soft kick from the inside. Smiling down at the spot he’d felt a little feet pressing he rubbed it tenderly. If the babe just wanted it could be so gentle.

 

 

At the sight Frerin had gone silent and when Kíli looked up again the cheerfulness had left his features, making room for concern.

 

 

“Is everything all right?” He asked hesitantly, not sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

 

 

“There will be a meeting today with a representative of the Grey Mountains.” All the air seemed to have left his lung at once. He felt suddenly much too hot in his cloths and trembles took over his body. He swallowed hard, not an easy task as his mouth felt too dry. “Just… just try to stay away from the meeting room today,” Frerin advised him.

 

 

Taking a shuddering breath he nodded slowly. He didn’t want to be near this dwarf. From one moment to another he wasn’t feeling safe anymore in their chambers.

 

 

“I will,” he swallowed again, his heart pounding like a war drum in his chest, “I will just visit Bofur. He-he won’t go there, they-they don’t care f-for toys,” he stammered. He’d escaped them, but feared their revenge nonetheless. He couldn’t vouch for Fíli’s safety. It the representative came from his settlement and found him here, with Fíli’s beads in his hair… Kíli shuddered again. They wouldn’t care if he was the prince, the dwarves of the Grey Mountains would hurt him anyway for not sending their escaped property back.

 

 

“That sounds like a good plan,” Frerin agreed, gripping Kíli by the shoulder and squeezing it encouragingly.

 

 

The whole way to the toyshop he looked around worriedly, but couldn’t spot anyone in the crowd of people that looked like one of the broad-shouldered dwarves from the Grey Mountains. Still, he wasn’t able to relax until he was finally able to disappear inside the shop. Bofur and Bifur were quite happy to see him, making him sit in the only armchair the toyshop was furnished with to ensure he was taking it easy in his condition. It was almost cute how they pampered him and looked forward to the child finally being born.

 

 

In that moment Kíli knew exactly who to turn to should he ever need a babysitter. While Bofur chattered cheerfully, stuffing a plush toy with fleece at the same time, Bifur served them a plate with biscuits and tea. He gifted Kíli a new toy for the babe before he’d to go back to the workshop in a backroom of the shop. If his child had to go short on something it definitely wouldn’t be toys. The room Fíli had set up for the child contained already all the toys Bofur and Bifur had gifted him during the last months, if they were going to keep this up it would be an impressive collection soon. Kíli had no words to phrase his gratefulness. Erebor had given him something he’d never thought he was ever going to get, the feeling of belonging, the feeling of being accepted, the feeling of being loved. He’d never been as happy as he was now. Well, aside from some of the dwarves and their stares, but it was worth his life with Fíli.

 

 

Over the next hour he forgot everything about the dwarves of the Grey Mountains and enjoyed the time with his good friend instead. At some point he started to help Bofur in sewing up the plush toys after they were stuffed. As much as he appreciated being cuddled, heavily pregnant as he was, he liked to keep himself busy with tasks he could easily manage and working at the toyshop brought him joy after all.

 

 

Kíli huffed, setting toy and needle aside. “Having to go to the loo again?” Bofur asked without looking up from his work, sounding far too amused.

 

 

Not dignifying it with an answer, he got up with a grunt. Bofur might think it funny, for him it was just annoying. He was only able to cross half of the shop however, before someone tore the door open. The person who stepped inside, together with four of his men, made Kíli’s blood run cold.

 

 

Over the last months Jari hadn’t changed at all, his jejune, long grey hair not held by any braid like he handled it with his beard, making him look even more violent. Deep wrinkles covered his face, which ensured that he always seemed grim, even when he cracked one of his terrible smiles. The jerkin made of buckskin was bleached and worn with use. He’d never worn jewellery, not even the braids that told everyone that Kíli was his, for him it must’ve been something like a matter of course and everyone in the settlement had known it without even asking.

 

 

“Finally,” Jari growled and reached him sooner than Kíli anticipated. He slapped him so forcefully that it sent Kíli to the floor. His cheek burned and he could taste blood on his tongue, Bofur crying his name in shock sounded strangely distant. “You thought you could just run away like a badly behaved dog, thought I would let go of my property after you made a fool out of me!”

 

 

Kíli’s body was shaking with fear as Jari bend down, grabbing his chin violently and forcing him to look his husband in the eyes. He’d often seen Jari angry, but never had he looked this furious. His sore cheek hurt only worse in his grip.

 

 

“And then you have the nerve to throw yourself at this would-be prince like a fucking whore. This is my whelp in your fat paunch!” Kíli’s breath hitched, his ears ringing under Jari’s screams. The other might be cruel, but he wasn’t stupid. Oh Mahal, he would bring him back. It was all in vain, his escape, starting a new life, meeting Fíli, furnishing the nursery… a few minutes ago he’d been happy and now he’d lose everything. Why had he even run in the first place if it had to end like this?

 

 

He choked on a sob as Jari grabbed the two braids that held Fíli’s beads. Instead of disentangling his hair the grim dwarf reached at his belt and drew a knife, cutting the braids off. Kíli could only watch in disbelief as his dark hair landed on the floor.

 

 

“No,” he sobbed. The braids and beads were a sign of Fíli’s love for him and now they lay on the floor, as if the prince’s promise to marry him was worth nothing. It made him realise how close he was to losing his One.

 

 

“Look at this pathetic little whore,” Jari mocked, addressing his men, “crying over that milksop. I bet he doesn’t even know how the thing between his legs works! A real man would’ve forced my whelp out of him and filled him with his own brood by now!”

 

 

Their roaring laughter resounded in his ears until he thought his head was going to explode from it. By now he was weeping openly, but he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. Everything that mattered to him was already lost. A strong hand grabbed him by the arm and yanked him upright.

 

 

“Move!” Jari snarled, pointing at the door with a hint of his head.

 

 

“No!” Bofur tried to interfere, but held by two of Jari’s man as he was it was hopeless. “Let the lad go!” He tried nonetheless.

 

 

Jari smirked. It took only a nod of his head and his men started to swing at the toymaker. Kíli screamed, trying to break loose but the dwarf at his side gripped him only tighter before pushing him to the direction of the door.

 

 

“Set the place on fire when you are done, it will create the perfect distraction,” he ordered one of his men who watched the spectacle with an amused smile on his lips. The fourth stepped outside with him and Jari. The last Kíli saw of the toymaker was of him falling to the ground, before the brunet was compelled to climb into a small carriage that waited in front of the shop.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Fíli hears what happened to Kíli...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains humiliation if this makes you uncomfortable I advise you to skip Kíli's POV.

 

 

Fíli was getting impatient. He, Thorin, Frerin, Balin and Dwalin and some other advisors of the king were waiting in the meeting room. The dwarf, a lord from the Grey Mountains, had written the kingdom weeks ago, hoping for a trade agreement with his settlement. Thorin was not averse if the conditions turned out to his liking. Exactly for this purpose the current meeting was summoned, but the dwarf who had requested their attention wasn’t showing up.

 

 

It annoyed Fíli the more the time stretched. After what happened to Kíli in the Grey Mountains he’d already come to dislike the dwarves that lived there and this bold lord, who truly thought he could make the king of Erebor wait without consequences, seemed only to underline Fíli’s distaste. In the end it wasn’t a representative of the Grey Mountain that entered the meeting room, but a distraught guard.

 

 

Immediately the mumbled conversations died away, all eyes turning to the panting man. “Has something happened?” Thorin was the first to recover from the shock the haunted expression on the dwarf’s face had given them all.

 

 

“There… there i-is a fire,” the man stammered, breathing heavily. It sounded like he’d run a long way to get to them. “The toyshop of Bifur and Bofur,” he explained before anyone could question him.

 

 

A fire was a rare incident inside Erebor since the stone prevented it from spreading, but a toyshop as well as many other businesses was furnished with combustible material. Fíli’s stomach contracted to a knot of nausea. The guard hadn’t said anything about Bifur and Bofur. Where they still inside? Had they gotten out? Had a costumer gotten hurt? But it was someone else who sounded more shocked than him.

 

 

“Oh no,” Frerin had gone completely pale. When Fíli’s eyes wandered in his direction, examining him confused, he could swear he saw Frerin’s hands shake. A panicked gaze met his. “Kíli has gone to visit them,” his uncle confessed. The next Fíli became aware of under the awful feeling of fear clenching his heart was sprinting out of the meeting room.

 

 

On the streets near the toyshop was utter chaos. Dwarves tried to quench the fire, standing in a line and handing buckets filled with water to the people in the front row. Others stood aside, watching with concern written all over their faces how their neighbours tried to bring the fire back under control. It was blazing hot near the burning toyshop and often positions had to be switched to prevent the first responders from passing out. As it was now flames spread to other buildings, since all the shops on this street were standing close to one another.

 

 

Fíli searched the crowd frantically for a sign of life of Kíli. Yelling his name wouldn’t help him, the whole street was a turmoil of screams and movement. At least now that the news of the fire had gone around, more dwarves and guards arrived, shooing away the bystander and helping the others. Only when the crowd was dispersed a bit Fíli was able to detect Óin in the distance, examining a whacked looking Bofur. As he hurried over to them he could also spot Bifur standing beside his sitting cousin. Kíli, however, was nowhere to be found. Fíli’s heart tightened at the side. His betrothed couldn’t be still in there. Bofur and Bifur wouldn’t abandon him! But the thought didn’t help to lighten his heart.

 

 

“-just breathed in too much smoke. No exercise and fresh air over the next days should do the trick,” he could hear Óin advising Bofur as he reached them.

 

 

Fíli froze in mid-stride, glancing at the braids in Bofur’s hand that were holding the beads he’d forged for Kíli. He couldn’t breathe. His heart pounded so loud in his chest it drowned all the noises around him. It wasn’t true. It couldn’t. But the guilty expression on Bofur’s face proved otherwise. He was going to choke!

 

 

“No,” he breathed, shaking his head in denial. He stumbled backwards.

 

 

“I’m so sorry,” Bofur rasped.

 

 

“No, that’s not true,” Fíli revolted, clenching his fists.

 

 

“I tried to stop them, but they were too many. Before I could do anything they overpowered me and Kíli was gone.” Bofur doubled over, coughing, the long speech must’ve triggered it.

 

 

Fíli felt ice cold all over again. “Who?” He asked, but Bofur’s was still making hacking noises. It was Bifur, who took up the slack, doing the Iglismêk signs for Grey Mountains. And suddenly the picture became clear. Why the dwarves had approached for a trade agreement but hadn’t shown up to the meeting. They’d just tried to find a way inside Erebor without attracting attention. Perhaps the sender of the letter had used a fake-name and another settlement to raise no suspicions. A horrible thought crossed his mind. Had it been Jari searching for his escaped Bearer?

 

 

“Keep the beads safe for me,” he told Bofur before turning around, nearly bumping into Frerin and Dwalin who had finally arrived as well.

 

 

“What happened? Is Kíli safe?” Frerin wanted to know immediately his eyes shining with concern, Dwalin, although a bit more reserved, seemed equally worried.

 

 

“The dwarves of the Grey Mountains kidnapped him. They weren’t here because of an agreement, they wanted him,” he hurriedly explained, causing Dwalin to curse.

 

 

“I can muster one hundred men until nightfall,” his bodyguard said.

 

 

Shaking his head he replied: “It will take too long.”

 

 

“We need all of our men to quench the fire, we have no other choice,” the other argued.

 

 

“By nightfall they will have reached the borders of our kingdom and our laws will have no bite. In that case it could take us months to get him back and I’m not going to leave him with this scum longer than necessary,” Fíli made clear, gnashing his teeth in pent-up tension.

 

 

“You want to leave right away,” Dwalin realised. “But you can’t go alone.”

 

 

“Dwalin, don’t start this,” he growled. Every moment he wasted on explaining his intention was a moment more Kíli had to spend with Jari.

 

 

“You will not go alone,” the giant dwarf started again, “because I’m coming with you. It’s my duty to protect you after all.”

 

 

Fíli blinked with surprise, he’d expected anything, even that Dwalin would knock him out to keep him from following these dwarves, but not his aid. “I’m coming with you as well,” he could hear Frerin say and as someone tapped him on the shoulder Bifur made a sign that couldn’t be misunderstood. Well, he had to admit that four dwarves had a better chance to rescue Kíli than only one did.

 

 

“If you truly think you can just go, without taking a healer with you, then you are dumber than I thought. You will need me, in case someone of you manages to get hurt,” Óin grumbled and moved over to them.

 

 

A small smile found its way to Fíli’s lips. Five then.

 

 

 

 _______________________________________

 

 

 

His fear had been banished for a while now by a much more basic need. Kíli had pressed his legs together, his hands shoved under his huge belly where they grabbed at his crotch as if it could stop what was going to happen sooner or later. His bladder was so full now it hurt, he’d even begged Jari to stop for one moment so he could relieve himself, because this wasn’t half as mortifying as the other outcome of the situation would be. But the dwarf sitting opposite him had only snapped at him to stay quiet. The bumps on the uneven road made everything worse, by now he was sweating and in Mahal’s name he needed to pee right now!

 

 

All his desperate attempts were suddenly brought to an end as the babe decided to move after being calm for such a long time. Kíli’s cheeks burned with humiliation as a warm wetness soaked his breeches and the stench of urine hit his nose. Tears blurred his vision at the same time as Jari screwed up his nose in disgust.

 

 

“You stink abominably,” he stated dryly. “How old are you? Look at you, wetting yourself like an infant, you disgust me.”

 

 

It was only Jari, but the words still hurt. Wasn’t it already bad enough that he would bring him back, did he really have to make him ask for allowing him to pee and deny him the plea in the end, too? Kíli had never felt so mortified in his whole life. The damp breeches clung uncomfortably to his skin and he just wished for the ground to open and swallow him up. Everything was better than this.

 

 

“As soon as my whelp is out I will teach you a real lesson. You will obey me in the end and bear me as many sons as I deem fit, but you will not see one of them grow up. Filth like you would only weaken their mind, your kind is only good for breeding and nothing else,” Jari spat, before he banged at the wall behind him, where the carriage driver sat. The vehicle slowed down and as it stopped the board dwarf got out. “This stench is sickening.”

 

 

He must’ve joined the other dwarves since they soon continued. Kíli made good of the opportunity and got out of his damp trousers, pulling his undergarments over his naked crotch. He didn’t want this life. Being kept as a breeding vessel, with his children taken away from him and raised by Jari until they thought and acted just like him.

 

 

“He won’t take you away from me,” Kíli sobbed desperately while rubbing his belly.

 

 

But he didn’t know how he could stop Jari, he was much stronger than him, knew how to fight and had men eating out of his palm. He just wanted Fíli. Mahal, he missed him so much already. Fíli would never treat him like this, he made always sure he felt comfortable and wouldn’t have mocked him after someone had just forced him to wet himself. Without meaning to he started crying his heart out. This time however, it wasn’t because the pregnancy played with his emotions.

 

 

 

______________________________________________________

 

 

 

The guards at the gate were able to tell them the direction the carriage and the riders of the Grey Mountains had taken off, everything afterwards was easy. They wereprobably holding Kíli captive in the carriage, it was the only explanation as to why the guards hadn’t seen him, and luckily the traces of such a vehicle were detectable without great effort. Furthermore a carriage made much slower progress than a rider on a pony did, so Fíli and his companions caught up pretty fast.

 

 

They weren’t many, not even a full dozen. Fíli used one of his throwing knifes to kill the carriage driver. It was silent and the angle was perfect as the prince and his men lurked between the trees that surrounded the road. Their enemies didn’t recognise what happened until the vehicle came to a sudden stop.

 

 

“Shit,” one of them cursed as he spotted the body, causing their leader to bark orders instantly. They dismounted, leaving one to tend to the ponies while the others drew their weapons.

 

 

At the moment Fíli’s group had the advantage, the other dwarves didn’t know where to look for them, it meant the prince could throw another knife. It would reveal their position, but they were all ready and just one enemy less could be crucial in the end. He would love to bury his weapon deep in Jari’s throat, who he suspected to be the leader, but the angle wasn’t right, which was why he chose another victim.

 

 

They took advantage of their opponents shock as the next one fell lifeless to the ground. Fíli saw Dwalin strike down one of their foes without hesitation, their ambush seemed to go just as planned. He’d just killed his current enemy, as the leader suddenly jumped at him with a roar. Fíli staggered backwards, trying to find his footing again while the eyes of the grey-haired dwarf were gleaming with rage.

 

 

“The princeling,” he sneered. “You have nerves to come here and try to steel what is mine again.”

 

 

Fíli narrowed his lids. “He belongs to no other than himself.”

 

 

Their swords clashed together, the force of the blows sending vibrations through his forearms. Jari went for a kick to his knee, but Fíli made a step back. Determined to win this fight he drew another sword, twin to the one he was already wielding. With the first one he aimed at Jari’s head, while second one went for the stomach. His enemy backed away from him to escape the sharp blades, but Fíli wasn’t going to let him. He’d trained under Dwalin and Thorin, both masters in wielding a sword. When their blades met Fíli pushed forward, the second sword attacking the opponent’s sword hand. He nearly managed to cut the other’s hand off, but Jari lunged at him with his free hand, striking his temple.

 

 

The blow made him loose his focus for one second and Jari took advantage of it instantly. Fíli managed to steady his footing, swinging his sword in the last moment. He met flesh. His blade had found Jari’s chest. Surprise was what met him on the face of the Grey Mountain dwarf and Fíli felt a wave satisfaction flood through him. It was only then that he felt the pain.

 

 

Grimacing, he forced himself to look down, blood staining his tunic where the blade of his enemy had cut open his side. Fíli grunted, pressing a hand to his wound to staunch the bleeding. Jari had fallen to the ground by now, but the prince was paying him no mind. Instead he looked around. His companions had slain the other enemies and so Fíli staggered towards the carriage.

 

 

Óin, however, had a different opinion. “Oh, no!” He scolded him, stopping his movements by grabbing his arm. “Frerin and Bifur are with him, you will let me put stitches in that wound before you faint from the blood loss.”

 

 

Opening his mouth to argue made only Dwalin appear at his sides, his bodyguard folded his arms and arched his eyebrows challengingly.

 

 

“Fine,” Fíli grumbled.

 

 

Luckily it was only a deep cut, although the pain in his side wanted to tell him otherwise, and no internal damage had been done. He still hissed, grunted and whimpered while Óin cleaned the wound, stitched it and bandaged it with white linen. Fíli suspected that the healer wound the bandage a bit tighter than necessary to punish him for not immediately listening to him. It didn’t prevent him from bolting upright as soon as the old dwarf was done, only to regret the sudden movement instantly. Óin and Dwalin chuckled in a way that could solely mean _that’s your own fault._

 

 

 

In the carriage Kíli was lying on his side on the bench seat, his legs bend so he could fit. Frerin was crouching beside him, murmuring something to him whereas Bifur kept watch in front of the vehicle.

 

 

“What’s wrong?” Fíli asked panicky, the previous fear returning with full force.

 

 

“It’s possible that he’s having contractions,” Frerin shared his concern with him.

 

 

“Don’t worry,” Óin appeared so suddenly behind Fíli that he made him jump with fright. The healer let go of his hearing trumpet, holding in his hand a cup he stirred something evenly in. “It’s probably because of the stress, but we have enough time to prevent any birth from happening today.” He climbed slowly into the carriage and urged Kíli to sit up. “Come here, you have to drink all of this, lad.”

 

 

Kíli pulled a face as he tasted the mixture but forced it down his throat nonetheless. Fíli waited impatiently outside. He didn’t like the haunted look in Kíli’s eyes, but he had to wait while Óin was doing his examination. After Kíli had emptied the cup the healer listened with a wooden auricular tube to the heartbeat of the child.

 

 

“Everything sounds fine,” Óin declared while leaning back again. “We will wait until the mixture can take effect before riding back.”

 

 

And then Fíli was finally allowed to climb to his betrothed into the carriage. Frerin and the others gave them a bit of privacy. The stench of urine was hardly to miss, despite the door of the carriage being open for some time. The breeches on the floor told Fíli everything he needed to know and all at once he regretted having Jari not made suffer more.

 

 

He took a seat beside Kíli, but when he was reaching for him to pull him close his love shrank back.

 

 

“Please don’t. I’m filthy and stink,” he said in a small voice.

 

 

Frowning slightly with determination, he pecked Kíli gently on the bruise that had started to from on his cheek. “I don’t care,” he told him. That he succeeded this time had to be a good sign.

 

 

He couldn’t help but hissed as his injured side was strained. Kíli looked at him in horror.

 

 

“You’re hurt,” he realised with fright. Just now he seemed to notice the blood on the prince’s tunic as well as on his hand.

 

 

Fíli held him tight as Kíli tried to get away. “Just a cut and Óin as already stitched me up. It will heal in no time, you will see,” he soothed him.

 

 

They sat there for quite some time, not saying anything but enjoying having the other back in their arms as Kíli’s breath suddenly hitched. Without warning Kíli snuggled up against him, as if all of their contact wasn’t enough to ensure him, that he was safe. Fíli gently stroked his back.

 

 

“I thought I would never see you again,” Kíli chocked at the side of his neck.

 

 

“Shh, it’s all right. You’re safe now.” He murmured into his love’s hair, holding him while Kíli cried tears of relieve.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gods, writing fighting scenes... it's already hard enough in my mother tongue, but in English... ugh... this was so difficult. And as fun as it would've been to let Jari get away with his plan and Fíli having to deal with diplomacy for months and perhaps letting him start a war to get Kíli back, I couldn't do this to them, they have been through enough already. Besides, it would've made the story immensely dark and continuing it consequently would've meant a really, really bad ending.
> 
> Furthermore all your lovely comments made me realise how much of this story only exists in my head, because many things aren't important for the storyline and so they don't occur. So at this point I might consider taking prompts for this universe and I say might because I'm not sure yet. If some of you should be interested it would probably influence my decision.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Fíli and Kíli are getting married...

 

 

The evening before the wedding Fíli disappeared. He needed some time for himself. He felt bad for leaving Kíli, since his betrothed awaited and feared the next day equally but he couldn’t sit in their chambers anymore and reassure his One that everything would go well. He needed a break. It wasn’t Kíli’s fault, of course not, after the kidnapping the brunet had become distant and quiet. Óin said it was normal, a traumatic experience such as this could sometimes cause a change in behaviour but time would help him heal. Fíli trusted the skilled healer and still he couldn’t get rid of the constant worry gnawing at his insides. He couldn’t be the strong and sympathetic partner the entire time, so he’d left before he snapped.

 

 

The nearly healed up wound made his skin taut, the healing process took more time than he’d told Kíli after his rescue. To be fair Fíli was entirely to blame for this, he hadn’t rested as much as Óin had ordered, causing the stitches to burst at some point. The old healer had given him a long scolding riddled with swear words Fíli had never heard before. Fíli hissed as his sore side was strained a bit when he sat down on the cold stone of the chamber.

 

 

The silence here was exactly what he needed. Taking a deep breath his gaze wandered to the tombs. It wasn’t often that he came here, having never known his parents he barely missed them. It made him feel bad sometimes, especially after getting told all these wonderful stories about them. But they were Thorin’s memories and not his own, so despite loving the tales they felt distant to him. He didn’t miss Dís and Víli, what he missed was the concept of a mother and a father he’d never had. When he was younger seeing all those other children laughing with their parents on the streets had made him sad and angry all at once. He couldn’t understand why his parents were gone, more than once he’d even wondered if it was because they didn’t love him, when other children mocked him for being an orphan despite being the heir some kids had lost their baby teeth.

 

 

Thorin had done the best he could, supported by Balin and Frerin, when the latter wasn’t away. But it wasn’t the same, a loving mother was hard to replace. Fíli wondered if he could be a good husband, a good father even after having grown up in Thorin’s care. His uncle wasn’t a cruel man, he was only parsimonious with praise. There had been days Fíli would have done anything for an appreciative word from his uncle. In the end Bofur and his family had filled a part of the gap within him, it was probably one of the reasons he’d visited them so often years ago. He would never forget how Bombur’s wife once embraced him, as if he was one of her children.

 

 

Not that Fíli blamed Thorin for anything. In his desire for gold Thror had tried to reclaim Moria, it had only brought death to their people. Thror and Thrain both lost their lives and Thorin had received the name affix _Oakenshield_ for his deeds in battle. Some part of Fíli was still relieved that Frerin had been too young at this time to follow them otherwise he might’ve only one uncle now. But it was a cold comfort for Thorin compared to all the death and sorrow the greed of a king had earned them. Fíli understood why Thorin could be quite cold from time to time, it would surprise him more if it was any different. As a child, however, he wasn’t able to do so and even today’s comprehension couldn’t erase feeling inferior for a long time.

 

 

The only thing he could do was looking ahead and trying to avoid making the same mistakes. His children should feel loved and shouldn’t ever question their own worth.

 

 

“They would be very proud of you,” a voice startled him, causing him to turn his head to spot the new arrival.

 

 

Thorin took a seat beside him, silently looking at the tomb of his sister, the pain in his eyes was hardly to miss. Fíli sighed inaudibly, he wished these words would hold any meaning to him, if he had at least known them for a day, but as it was…

 

 

“I’m not cancelling the wedding,” he said instead, for what other reason would Thorin have to come here?

 

 

“I know,” Thorin nodded to his surprise. “But you know what Kíli will have to do.”

 

 

Fíli grimaced. He didn’t want to think about it, although Kíli had agreed with Thorin. Tomorrow, during the wedding, the brunet’s vows would contain one particular sentence, the relinquishment of all titles for his child. It would never be the heir or have other privileges, a dwarf as everybody else, although raised by the prince and his consort. Fíli knew it was necessary, it could cause a revolt if a dwarf that wasn’t of his line by blood was going to be announced as the next heir of Durin’s line. It still tasted like betrayal. The child wasn’t responsible for the horrible deeds of its sire, but Fíli had to do what was right for the kingdom and not what he thought was right, seeing Kíli accepting it with stoicism made it only worse. Kíli had seen it coming right from the beginning and somehow it hurt that he couldn’t change anything about the whole situation.

 

 

“Aye,” he replied bitterly. “He will do what is expected of him.”

 

 

Thorin patted him on the shoulder with obvious relief. Fíli couldn’t bring himself to feel the same.Luckily Thorin realised pretty fast that Fíli wasn't in the mood for a conversation and so left his nephew soon to himself. The prince was scared, not so much because of the wedding, but because of the babe. Soon it would be born and he didn't even know a lullaby he could sing. Had his mother known one? His father? Thorin's songs had always been melancholy, not something soothing one wanted to sing to a child, even if it wasn't going to understand the words at first someday it would. And what if he did something wrong? What if he was too strict? What if he coddled the child too much? Now that the due date was steadily coming closer he asked himself these questions too often. Of course there were more than enough people he could get answers from, but at some point he had to make the right decisions all by himself and it scared him more than he liked to admit. Fíli had been trained to be the heir of this kingdom and felt well prepared for this responsibility, but he wasn't ready for parenthood. The child, however, would come, if he liked it or not.

 

 

Of course he wasn't alone in this, he'd Kíli after all and just as he thought of it he realised that Kíli probably felt exactly the same. The brunet had come of age when he'd to lay with a husband he didn't want. Nearly still a child himself he was now carrying one. If Fíli was scared, Kíli had to be terrified. It was this thought that caused him to leave the grave. Although his fears were still there he took heart from facing this new chapter in their lives together.

 

 

When he returned to his chambers a few hours later Kíli was already sleeping. He made sure to move as silently as possible and slipped under the covers after he’d changed his clothes, carefully snuggling against Kíli’s back. He nudged his ear with his nose before kissing him tenderly on the cheek. Fíli could smell the soap his betrothed had washed his hair with and a faint smell that was all Kíli. He loved it as well as the way Kíli felt in his arms.

 

 

“Sleep tight, my heart,” he murmured against his hair, before he closed his eyes.

 

 

 

___________________________________

 

 

 

 

The next morning he woke up to see that Kíli was already awake and dressed. Practised fingers braiding Fíli’s beads into his hair as the prince still blinked the sleep from his eyes.

 

 

“Good morning,” he yawned, stretching his limbs until heard something creak.

 

 

Meanwhile Kíli had turned around, a warm smile on his lips as he was finishing his last braid. “Good morning.” Where Jari had cut off the braids Kíli’s hair was growing in again, but nothing seemed able to prevent it from protruding.

 

 

“Did you sleep well?” Fíli asked while he sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.

 

 

Kíli waddled to his side, holding in his hand a comb and Fíli’s beads. “At first, but then he got up and kicked me awake,” he replied, rubbing his belly with the other hand. His erstwhile gracefulness was long gone and instead of sitting down he flopped onto the bed. Fíli knew better than to chuckle when Kíli groaned and cursed in an unseemly manner. “Let me fix your hair, it’s a mess.”

 

 

“You seem better today,” Fíli noted as Kíli started to comb his hair.

 

 

“The wedding is today,” his betrothed mumbled. “It feels like I can finally breathe again. With Jari dead and our wedding they have no claim on me anymore.” The fingers in Fíli’s hair trembled slightly.

 

 

The prince swallowed hard. He knew that the promise of safety didn’t mean anything to Kíli after he’d been kidnapped. It couldn’t guarantee him protection and so only the terrible laws of the settlement where he’d lived nearly his whole life were able to calm him. As a widower his family could arrange a new marriage for him or Jari’s family lay claim to the child. After he married however, all those rights would belong to Fíli. The laws disgusted him, but if they soothed Kíli he would keep his mouth shut. It only reinforced his decision, as soon as the baby was born and Óin allowed it he would make sure that Kíli got trained by Dwalin. As a Bearer in his home settlement he hadn’t been allowed to wield a weapon but here it didn’t matter who he was. If Kíli knew how to protect himself it would hopefully make him more confident and strengthen the feeling of safety.

 

 

“Done,” Kíli declared, pulling him out of his thoughts.

 

 

Turning around he leaned in for a kiss. They had to break it much too soon since he had to get ready for the wedding, but he touched Kíli’s forehead with his, closed his eyes and just stayed a moment like this, enjoying the closeness to his One. “We are getting married today,” he breathed happily. There was no fear in his heart, just a bit nervousness at the prospect of saying his vows in front of all these people, the pleasant feeling of anticipation was stronger, because he wanted this, his One for now and forever. Kíli hummed in a way that told Fíli he was thinking the same. With a last quick kiss to the brunet’s lips Fíli got up.

 

 

The decoration in the festival hall was magnificent, banners in beautiful colours adorned by his and Kíli’s intertwined crests and lampshades made of gemstones turned the candlelight inside into the most marvellous hues. Everyone with a name was there, standing to the left and right of the passageway Fíli and Kíli had to tread to reach the platform where Balin, Thorin and Bifur were already waiting. Balin would conduct the ceremony, since he’d also done it decades ago for Dís and Víli, while Thorin and Bifur filled the position of their guardians. It was obvious that the king would give Fíli to Kíli in front of the wedding guests, he’d raised Fíli after all. Normally it was the duty of the parents, but Fíli’s parents were dead and Kíli’s not invited. It didn’t really matter, the Ur-family had taken him in and pretty much adopted him as one of their own since then. As far as Fíli knew Bofur, Bombur and Bifur had fought who was going to give Kíli to Fíli during the wedding. In the end Bifur had won in a drinking competition.

 

 

Here they would be wed and say their vows, it was a spectacle no one wanted to miss, but not everyone was allowed to watch. Of course by the next day the whole mountain would know what had happened at the wedding and talk about it as if they had all been present during the ceremony and the festivity. At the sound of bugles Fíli and Kíli strode up to the platform. The prince guided his betrothed by laying a hand to the small of his back. Taking those steps together was a symbol in their culture. Ones shouldn’t be separated, they were two parts of the same soul, forged and planted in two different bodies by Mahal, faced with the test to find each other in the world. Once found no one was allowed to separate them again. If it was true, Fíli couldn’t say, but it was what his people believed.

 

 

Reaching the platform they took their places, facing each other. The sound of bugles faded away and the hall fell silent. Looking only at Kíli it was easy to keep calm, a tiny smile adorned the brunet’s lips. Then, after a few heartbeats of complete silence, Balin began his speech, talking about Ones and love and marriage, the echoes in the hall carrying his voice even to the furthest corner of the hall. In Kíli’s eyes Fíli met so much happiness and love that he thought his chest was going to burst with joy.

 

 

After Balin had finished the first part of the ceremony, Thorin and Bifur stepped forward. They guided their hands until Fíli’s extended hands rested on Kíli’s, a small ribbon was wound around their hands, one by Thorin and one by Bifur. They were now entrusted to one another, a soul brought back together.

 

 

Now it was time saying their vows. Fíli was the first. He spoke of love and truth, that he would be faithful, care for him in good and in bad times and that their bond of marriage would last forever. Kíli recited the same words, faltering a few times. Unlike Fíli he seemed far too aware that everyone in the hall was watching him. The prince stroked one of Kíli’s hands with his thumb in a soothing manner, it was such a little gesture that no one recognised it except Kíli, who smiled gratefully at him.

 

 

“And I promise to bear you a strong heir, so that the line of Durin may continue to rule under this mountain for a long time,” he finished his vows. It hurt Fíli to see Kíli sacrifice the rights of his child in front of everyone, although he’d known it was going to end like this. It would load an enormous pressure onto Kíli’s shoulders, all of their people were now going to wait for a second pregnancy.

 

 

The vows were sealed with a kiss that ended all too soon. “Behold the prince and prince-consort of Erebor!” Balin called and the whole crowd started cheering.

 

 

Everything afterwards was full of activity. Dwarves congratulating them, constant interruptions and suddenly they were ushered into a bigger festival hall, where musicians had already started to play and Fíli and Kíli were forced onto the dancefloor. His consort had started fidgeting a while ago and now having to dance was more than he could endure in his condition. Grunting with discomfort he tried to be strong, but when he started panting Fíli had enough of this nonsense and left the dancefloor with him after hardly a minute. The one of Thorin’s advisors, who’d urged them to dance since it was tradition that the wedded pair had the first one, was now hissing at them to get back there but earned only an angry look in return. Fíli wasn’t in the mood for Kíli going into labour right on the dancefloor, thank you very much!

 

 

Whoever had planned this wedding hadn’t thought of Kíli’s condition. Once his consort could sit down he seemed to relax more visible, at least until he suddenly winced during the meal.

 

 

“You all right?” Fíli asked worriedly.

 

 

Kíli huffed, rubbing his belly. “Yes, just-“ wincing again he groaned. “Ugh, he is so active lately.”

 

 

Fíli pushed his chair backwards. “Let’s retire then.”

 

 

The brunet looked at him as if he’d lost his mind. “No, we can’t. It’s too soon,” he tried to reason with him in a lowered voice.

 

 

But Fíli leaned only slightly forward in his direction, a broad grin on his lips. “I’m the prince and you are now my consort, we can practically do anything we want. Don’t worry, you will get used to it.” Getting to his feet he addressed the audience, keeping his speech short and guided Kíli out of the hall before anyone could object, although he would lay odds on Frerin getting them out of there should it come to this.

 

 

The festival hall wasn’t that far away from their chambers, but they still needed a while. Kíli had a hard time climbing the stairs and at some point he wasn’t able to stand by and watch any longer. Despite the uncomfortable aching in his side he picked Kíli up, causing the brunet to yelp in surprise.

 

 

“Put me down!” He demanded, his cheeks aflame.

 

 

“Uh-uh. Not going to happen,” Fíli answered, grinning broadly.

 

 

Kíli pouted on their way back, whining a few times that he wanted to be put down, but Fíli was having none of it and at some point his consort gave up, accepted his fate and started to nuzzle the side of Fíli's neck instead. He shuddered slightly as the brunet began to kiss his skin, at first gently but soon with more force, sucking and nibbling at his skin until Fíli moaned softly. Kíli, as he'd learned, could be a right tease and this was probably his way of taking revenge after Fíli refused to let him down again. It was quite cruel, on the one hand he didn't know if Kíli felt ready now for them to go farther than kissing and tender touches and on the other, even if he was, the brunet was too far gone in his pregnancy.

 

 

And so Fíli endured the sweet torture, trying not to falter in his steps while Kíli attacked the side of his neck mercilessly. At least the whole mountain was celebrating the wedding, so no one was going to spot them in this position.

 

 

"Mahal, you will be the death of me," Fíli groaned when they were finally in their chambers.

 

 

"If you think you can do this to me without being punished than you aren't as smart as I thought you to be," Kíli smirked.

 

 

Carefully setting his consort down onto the bed he gifted him an impish smile. "Well, if this is my punishment than I should carry you around more often."

 

 

"Don't you dare," Kíli laughed, his mirth soon silenced by a kiss.

 

 

Fíli loved the feeling of Kíli practically melting in his arms whenever their lips met. They kissed lazily, the brunet gently scraping Fíli’s scalp. It was only for a short time, for when Kíli winced again Fíli broke away. His consort huffed in sheer annoyance, rubbing his huge belly a bit more forcefully than necessary.

 

 

"I will be the happiest dwarf beneath this mountain, when this baby is finally out of me and won't bruise my insides anymore," he growled.

 

 

Fíli chuckled with amusement, winning only on volume as Kíli scoffed. He pecked him on the cheek, before getting on his knees. Slowly he pulled the brunet's tunic up, revealing the taut skin of the other's belly, covered with stretch marks. He kissed the spot where a little feet pressed from the inside, making Kíli shudder. "Óin says it has something to do with response. They kick to feel the resistance, it's their way of getting into contact with their Bearer," he told him, kissing every mark tenderly while stroking the other parts of the heavy belly he couldn't cherish with his mouth.

 

 

"Now you make me feel guilty,” Kíli huffed, hissing when Fíli abandoned his constant place to take off his boots. "Mahal, don't stop," he panted relieved as the prince massaged at first one and afterwards the other swollen ankle.

 

 

"The wedding was a bit too hard on you," Fíli mused, still working with skilled fingers.

 

 

"Not the wedding," Kíli denied. "Rather standing for so long."

 

 

"Take it easy, then."

 

 

The rest of the day was spent in each other’s company. Only once Fíli left their chambers, letting Kíli rest a bit, while he ensured that no one was going to disturb them. Everyone else was still celebrating the wedding, after all dwarves didn't need a reason to get drunk and so the absence of the wedded pair didn't reduce their fun.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a child is born...

 

 

Kíli went into labour a week after the wedding, waking Fíli in the dead of the night, because he was feeling the first contractions. The prince immediately called for a guard, ordering the man to get Óin and to inform the king and the Ur-family. Fíli meanwhile had no idea what to do while waiting for Óin’s arrival, he was nervous, scared and felt completely helpless. Seeing his One in pain and not being able to help him turned him into a wreck. Oh, he tried to be strong for Kíli, whispering sweet words of encouragement into his hair as the young brunet whimpered with pain, but inside Fíli was lost. His heart pounded so fast he feared it was going to explode any moment, he felt far too hot in his thin sleeping clothes and nausea had crept into his stomach, settling there like a lazy cat.

 

 

The healer took his time. Sure there were long distances between the contractions yet, but Fíli was getting immensely frustrated when even Thorin arrived before Óin did, his hair and beard neatly braided and looking quite awake for such a late hour, his uncle had obviously taken his time, then where was Óin?!

 

 

“I heard it’s finally time,” Thorin stated in a tone as if he was talking about the weather while Fíli gently rubbed Kíli’s back through the next contraction.

 

 

Thorin took a seat in one of the cushioned chairs, filling his pipe and paying the labouring dwarf no mind or so it seemed at least.

 

 

“You know, being present when some of my dear friends brought their children into this world, I advise you to walk a bit through the chamber, it could help to ease the pain.”

 

 

“I can’t walk around, the baby will fall out,” Kíli panted, his hands clutching the blankets of the bed, nearly tearing the fabric.

 

 

“It won’t fall out,” Thorin sounded as if he scolded a toddler for silliness as he lit his pipe.

 

 

“Well, it feels like it!” Kíli growled through the last seconds of the contractions, before finally relaxing under Fíli’s hands again.

 

 

The prince shot his uncle a fed up glance. “Not very helpful, uncle.”

 

 

Thorin returned his gaze completely unimpressed, leaning back in the chair and smoking his pipe, as if nothing was happening around him.

 

 

In the end even Bofur, Bombur and Bifur arrived before Óin. They seemed pretty excited, while Kíli just looked as if he wanted to punch them in the face or do anything else that would get the cheerfulness to leave their features. Fíli started to feel similar irritated. Sure, this wasn't the first birth anyone of them witnessed, although they all would have to leave the chambers when the midwife demanded it, but for Fíli it was the first time and Óin still hadn't come and there was no damn midwife here and the longer he thought about it the more he thought he would go crazy.

 

 

Kíli panted through another contraction, a thin layer of sweat gleaming on his forehead now. Fíli's eyes were roaming between his consort and the door of the chamber.

 

 

"Oh, don't worry too much," Bombur called, eating some of the sausages the servants had brought in for breakfast. Kíli had stared at the table with a mixture of disgust and anger before another contraction had hit him. How could they all stay so calm, while the prince and his consort were nervous wrecks? "It's his first birth and Óin knows that it will be hours before anything will happen at all."

 

 

"How am I supposed to do this for hours," Kíli groaned, grimacing with pain.

 

 

"Well, breathing helps," Bofur laughed, causing Bifur to frown slightly.

 

 

This was obviously too much for the brunet, the pain and his unhelpful visitors getting the better of him.

 

 

"Out," he all but screamed. "Leave this chamber before I drag you out by your beards!"

 

 

At least they had the decency to follow Kíli's words without protest, only chuckling lightly when they took the plates from the table and hurried outside. Thorin stayed, reading over a document a servant had brought him, obviously to have something to do. Kíli moaned pitifully, as the pain finally ceased and his clenched hands relaxed again.

 

 

"You are doing great," Fíli murmured reassuringly, just as Óin finally entered the chamber.

 

 

Fíli rose instantly, heading for the deaf dwarf, anger seething through his veins. "I send for you hours ago!" Fíli growled.

 

 

"It's his first birth, nothing happens in the first hours anyway. I send for the midwife, she should be here soon," he told him, completely unimpressed by his demeanour.

 

 

"But you also told me some time ago that things can go wrong and sometimes the child comes faster than expected," Fíli replied, still not backing down.

 

 

"If this was the case, you would have sent someone for me again, seeing it didn't happen I thought I should make good of a few hours more sleep. And now calm yourself, lad. The next hours will be stressful enough as it is." And with this he put his hearing trumpet down, showing him that the discussion was over. The healer walked up to Kíli and started to examine him carefully, something he should've done hours ago already. Although Óin had made the reason for his decision clear, Fíli still believed it to be the wrong one.

 

 

But he didn't want to fight, not when his consort was in labour and needed his support badly. Before the midwife arrived Kíli had another contraction and while Fíli whispered calming words to him, Bifur had offered the brunet his hand to hold on to. The prince was truly impressed, after the first contraction he’d learned not to hold Kíli’s hand if he wanted his fingers to remain intact, but Bifur looked completely unaffected by the brunet’s attempt to squeeze the life out of his limb. His consort exhaled a shaky breath just as the midwife entered. Fíli could feel himself relax a bit, since she hadn’t taken her time to come here after someone had sent for her Kíli was finally in good hands. It surprised even Fíli how much Óin’s deliberate delay had influenced his trust in the old healer.

 

 

In the end it didn’t matter, when Kíli’s water broke Fíli, Thorin and Bifur had to leave the chamber. While the others talked quietly and his uncle asked him more than once to sit with them Fíli just couldn’t, instead pacing in front of his chambers. They were all so calm. How could they be so clam? Sometimes people didn’t survive giving birth, his own mother had died from the consequences of it. If he stopped moving only for a moment he would cast traditions to the wind and go back inside. Time went by slowly.

 

 

“What are you doing here?” Thorin’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

 

 

Frerin walked up to them, already dressed in his traveling clothes, looking slightly indignant. “I heard that Kíli is in labour and you expect me to leave?” He asked.

 

 

“According to Óin the child shouldn’t have been due for another week, does that mean you would have delayed your travel for this?” Thorin wanted to know, he sounded almost slyly.

 

 

“Of course not,” Frerin snarled. “But if I have the chance to see my great-nephew or niece before I have to leave then I’m not going to wait.”

 

 

It was astonishing every time how these two could bicker like children when they had different opinions. Frerin had always seen his position more relaxed than Thorin and so it ended quite often in a quarrel when the older tried to lecture the younger. They might be king and prince of Erebor – although Fíli was Thorin’s heir probably exactly for the reason they were now arguing – but they were still siblings. Fíli never saw this as clear as in moments like this.

 

 

Thorin couldn’t change Frerin’s mind, of course not, Fíli’s uncles were both more pig-headed than was healthy. There had yet to be news from Óin, as it was they could only wait, not knowing if something was wrong or if the birth went according to plan. Until the door opened suddenly and the healer beckoned Fíli over with hectic motions of his hand. The prince was at his side instantly, fear twisting his insides.

 

 

“You need to talk some sense into him,” Óin hissed as soon as the door had closed behind them. “It’s time but he refuses to push.”

 

 

“What do you mean?” He asked, failing to comprehend.

 

 

“Just talk to him,” Óin required without further explanations.

 

 

Kíli was still positioned on the bed, the midwife sitting between his legs. He looked pale, his shirt soaked with sweat and his features masked by pain. Fíli rushed to his side without thinking, feeling his body trembling under his hands as he carefully grasped his shoulders.

 

 

“You need to push now, lad” the midwife said in a tone that made clear that it wasn’t the first time she’d told him to do so.

 

 

Kíli just shook his head, tears escaping between his shut lids. “No,” he sobbed. “No, I can’t. I’m not ready.”

 

 

“You’re putting both your lives in danger with that nonsense!” She scolded him.

 

 

“Kíli,” he whispered, forcing Kíli to focus on him. “You can do this.”

 

 

“No, no I can’t,” the brunet insisted. “I don’t know how to raise a child. What if I become like my parents? What if I treat him as they treated me? What if he is like his sire? What if I can’t stand the look of him? I don’t want that! I don’t! Please, I can’t, I can’t,” he half-babbled, half-sobbed. His voice full of desperation and agony.

 

 

“Listen,” Fíli demanded, shaking his shoulders gently, hoping that this and his words would be enough to snap him out of his fear. “His sire isn’t going to be part of his life and so he won’t be like him… and you won’t turn into one of your parents, you are better than them. You are strong and kind and loyal. You would never hurt someone willingly and I just know you will love him. And you don’t have to do this alone, we will raise him together and there are Bofur, Bombur, Bifur and their whole family to help us and Thorin, Frerin, Balin, even Dwalin! He may act like he is still suspicious, but you know how he is, it could be the end of the world and still he wouldn’t tell anyone what they mean to him,” he faltered a moment under Kíli’s intense gaze. “And you have me,” he finally added. “For now and forever. So please stop hurting yourself.”

 

 

Kíli swallowed hard, his dry throat seemed to make it difficult. For a few heartbeats the pain was forgotten as he nodded. “Okay,” he murmured softly, grimacing when his body reminded him in what kind of process he was in. “Please, don’t leave me,” he begged him, groaning.

 

 

“I’m not,” Fíli promised, crawling onto the bed and propping Kíli against his chest.

 

 

Óin glanced at him scandalised. It was tradition that no one besides the delivering dwarf along with a midwife and a healer should attend a birth, but tradition be damned! Kíli was scared and in pain and Fíli was not going to leave him like this. They looked daggers at each other, but then the brunet tensed in his arms, the midwife ordering him to push and this time Kíli obeyed. His consort screamed and groaned and panted when he had to stop and wait for the next contraction. Fíli held him tight the whole time.

 

 

Kíli went limp into his arms as finally the cries of a newborn filled the chamber. Breathing rapidly and with closed lids the brunet leaned into Fíli’s embrace. “You did great. I love you, Kíli.” Fíli murmured into his hair, kissing the sweaty temple. At the other end of the room Óin was cleaning and examining the child, while the midwife looked after Kíli, perhaps waiting for the afterbirth.

 

 

“Fíli,” the healer called for him.

 

 

He hesitated for a few heartbeats, glancing at Kíli, ensuring in a silent conversation if it was all right if he left his side. Only when Kíli nodded did Fíli untangle himself from his love and walk up to Óin. He carefully placed the child in his arms as Fíli reached him. “Mind the head,” the healer advised him. The baby was wrapped up in a soft green blanket, with the chubby cheeks and the closed eyes it looked a bit grumpy, but Fíli was certain that he’d never seen anything more beautiful. It wasn’t his child, but somehow it still felt as if it belonged to him, as if he’d fathered it.

 

 

“It’s a healthy lad,” Óin told him. So they had been right, they’d always talked of the child as a boy and their instinct hadn’t deceived them. “Go out for a bit, we will call for you when all is cleaned up.”

 

 

Fíli hesitated. Kíli should be holding the boy, he had carried him for long months after all. It felt wrong in a way he couldn’t quite describe, but before he was able to protest the healer had already ushered him outside. Instantly he was surrounded by the waiting dwarves.

 

 

“Congratulations,” Bofur was the first that began to speak, his voice lowered as not to disturb the calm baby.

 

 

Fíli felt immensely proud. Maybe because it was Kíli’s child, what did it matter that he hadn’t fathered it. He loved Kíli, so how could he feel any different about something that came from him? “It’s a boy,” he informed them.

 

 

“He definitely got Kíli’s nose,” Bombur said, his features radiating affection.

 

 

“There is more from the lad in him than… you know,” Bofur replied, grimacing slightly as he realised what he’d just uttered. “It’s a good thing,” he added still.

 

 

And Fíli had to agree, although he didn’t like to be reminded of Jari he was relieved to see more of Kíli in the child. It would help a great deal to see the boy as his own person and not as the one who sired him. The fewer the resemblances the easier they could let go of the past.

 

 

“Have you thought of a name yet?” It was the first time that Thorin spoke since Fíli had returned. Frerin, who had gently stroked the soft cheek of the baby with an index finger, looked up similar interested with a warm smile still on his lips.

 

 

“We thought of Veli,” Fíli answered.

 

 

“It suits him,” Thorin nodded approvingly.

 

 

They were interrupted by the opening of the door. Óin and the midwife stepped outside, both of them bowing to their king.

 

 

“We are taking our leave now,” Óin explained. “The prince-consort has been instructed in how to nurse the baby, but send for us if any kind of complications are coming up.”

 

 

Fíli nodded, bidding all of them goodbye and returning finally to his chambers. Kíli was sitting in the bed, clothed in a clean tunic and looking completely exhausted, still he smiled when Fíli entered. It only took him a few steps to reach the brunet’s side, leaning forward to kiss Kíli’s chapped lips.

 

 

“Do you want to hold your son?” He asked while taking a seat beside him on the mattress.

 

 

Instantly an expression of uncertainty crossed his eyes as his gaze wandered to the bundle in Fíli’s arms.

 

 

“I… I’m scared I’m going to drop him,” he confided to him.

 

 

“You aren’t going to drop him,” Fíli comforted him, showing his consort again how he had to hold the baby before he placed Veli in his arms.

 

 

At first Kíli seemed uneasy, cradling the child in an awkward angle, but one look at the boy banished the fear and soon he was holding his son with much more ease.

 

 

“Oh,” he sniffed, tears welling in his eyes. “He is perfect.”

 

 

Laying an arm around Kíli’s shoulders he pulled his consort close, smiling down at the baby. It was so hard to take his eyes off that beautiful little face.

 

 

“I told you so.”

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which 15 years have passed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not quite happy with how the chapter turned out, but I don't really know what to do better without repeating the same stuff again and again, so it stays the way it is.
> 
> By the way, this chapter and the next one were the actual plot of this story when I got the idea, but I thougt a story like this without the background would be pretty boring and therefore the other 11 chapters were written.

 

**15 years later**

 

"Be a good girl and be kind to uncle Bofur," Fíli said while embracing his daughter. Her little arms tightened their hold around his neck. Dís loved to stay at the toyshop with Bifur and Bofur, but more she loved spending time with him. It was always hard convincing her that the days away from home would be fun, at the end of the day when Fíli returned to get her he would have a hard time to coax her into coming back again. Sometimes when Fíli had to leave there were even tears, it couldn't break his heart anymore. Experiencing these things with Veli had been much worse, since all of it had been new to Fíli.

 

 

"Hey, princess." Bofur interrupted their goodbye. "Do you want to have a look at the backroom? I've heard that uncle Bifur is working on a new toy and needs someone to play with it so he knows what he has to make better."

 

 

Dís wiggled out of his arms faster than Fíli expected. He chuckled as her blond mop of hair rounded the corner and disappeared. Bofur seemed similar amused.

 

 

"Works every time."

 

 

Fíli got up from his kneeling position on the floor, glancing at the other gratefully. "Thank you so much for looking after her today."

 

 

Bofur stopped him with a wave of his hand and a kind smile. "It's no problem at all. We love having the lass here. But how is Kíli? He hasn't seemed healthy in weeks."

 

 

Fíli sighed worriedly. Kíli's condition was the reason he needed someone to look after Dís today. Veli was being tutored by Balin and would afterwards train with Dwalin, therefore he'd time to spend his day with his consort, he'd even cancelled all of the meetings he normally had to attend. "This pregnancy is hard on him," Fíli confessed. And the stress was probably not helping. Most of the people had accepted Kíli as his consort after Dís had been born, but some were still waiting for a boy and heir to the throne, not giving Kíli the respect he deserved. His love tried to reassure him, saying he didn't care about what these dwarves thought, but Fíli could see it in his eyes, he was deceiving himself. He cared a bit too much about it and this in turn worsened his condition like Fíli had feared.

 

 

This current situation was his fault. On this one evening fifteen years ago he'd ruined everything with his rash words. Nothing of this would've happened if he'd let Kíli explain. Fíli had been hurt in that moment, but it was no excuse for treating the brunet the way he did back then.

 

 

"He's getting sick often and uncomfortable, more than in his former pregnancies. And he's so scared for the child that he's driving himself mad. He hasn't felt the child move for a few days now and Óin will have a look at him today, but I fear for them both," Fíli admitted, inhaling a shuddering breath. Of course it wasn't only the suspiciousness of some obstinate people that was the cause for Kíli's state, but Fíli still couldn't shake off the feeling of guilt gnawing at his insides. In the end his words and deeds were responsible for Kíli's constant thinking of his worth and Fíli would never forgive himself.

 

 

Bofur squeezed his shoulders reassuringly. "I'm sure the child is fine and the due date isn’t that far away anymore, if I'm not mistaken. Just make sure that Kíli takes it easy after the birth and if you need someone to look after Dís and Veli you can come to us anytime."

 

 

Fíli wasn't able to put into words how much these words meant to him. Their constant support was helping more than Bofur could probably imagine, even though Fíli and his consort weren't using it very often just knowing that they could count on the Ur-family was more than enough to make them feel less stressed.

 

 

"Thank you."

 

 

When Fíli returned to his chambers Kíli was still in bed, curled in the same position as he had when the prince left. His consort looked pale and tired and it tore at Fíli's heart to see him like that. Kneeling before the bed he gently brushed the hair from Kíli’s forehead, noticing concerned that Kíli just leaned into the touch without meeting his gaze.

 

 

"Have you eaten a bit?" Fíli asked. It worried him the most. During his last pregnancies he'd eaten his fair share, this time however it was hard to coax him, he never seemed to be hungry, constantly either being nauseous or having no appetite.

 

 

"Yeah," Kíli croaked. "But I threw it up again." Kíli muffled a sob in burying his face in the pillow. Fíli hated it, seeing his love so miserable and not being able to do anything. He felt lost and helpless, but showing these feelings now would make things only harder on Kíli and so he put on a strong mask.

 

 

"Óin will be here soon," he said, kissing his consort tenderly on the cheek. "Dís is with Bofur and Bifur and Veli with Balin. Can I do anything for you?"

 

 

"Can you just hold me?"

 

 

"Of course," Fíli answered immediately, sitting down beside Kíli who watched him with moistly shimmering eyes. Kíli slowly crawled into a sitting position, nearly melting in Fíli's arms as the blond embraced him.

 

 

Gently he stroked Kíli's side, while the brunet's head lay against his chest. His consort sighed softly.

 

 

"How are you feeling... besides the nausea?"

 

 

"Dizzy. Tired," he mumbled into the fabric of his tunic, one of his hands rubbing the swollen belly. The movement caught his eyes instantly, making him grimace. He was glad that Kíli wasn't looking at his face right now but had his lids closed, enjoying the embrace.

 

 

They sat like this for quite some time, until a knock at the door startled them. Fíli asked the new arrival in. Óin entered, a leather bag in his hands in which he carried all thoughts of tinctures and other utensils. Fíli greeted the old healer, breaking the embrace and stepping aside without another word to not disturb the healer’s work. Before Kíli was able to phrase all of his fears Óin already hushed him.

 

 

Pulling the tunic up and baring the distended stomach Óin listened to the heartbeat of the child. Fíli stood nervously beside the bed, fearing the worst, he didn't need to see Kíli biting his bottom lip to know that he was feeling the same.

 

 

"This is the sound of a strong heartbeat," Óin told the pair as he leaned back. Fíli breathed a sigh of relieve.

 

 

"But why isn't he moving then?" Kíli wanted to know, far less reassured than Fíli.

 

 

"Because fretting so much in your current condition isn't healthy. The baby is very sensitive for changes and too much stress can not only influence the whole pregnancy but especially the behaviour of your child. It doesn't matter that it is still in your belly. Through you it feels if you're content and relaxed or stressed," he explained while pressing carefully on the belly.

 

 

Fíli could see the little shape of a foot as the baby kicked for the first time in days. The weight on his heart felt suddenly several pounds lighter as he saw tears of happiness well in Kíli's eyes. "Oh, thank Mahal," he breathed, a sound full of relieve.

 

 

Óin retreated after pulling the tunic down again. "Prince Fíli," he addressed him, "a word."

 

 

Fíli nodded, following the healer into the living room. Shooting a last glance at Kíli, who was smiling and rubbing his belly, his gaze gleaming with love, Fíli closed the door behind them softly. He offered Óin a seat, but the other dwarf refused, adjusting his hearing trumpet instead.

 

 

"I would like to induce labour,” he came straight to the point. The words felt like a blow to the guts, making it difficult for Fíli's to breathe and hastening his heartbeat. "The child has turned already, so there shouldn't come up any complications.”

 

 

"Is something wrong?" He asked, swallowing hard.

 

 

"I fear he will be too weak for the birth if we allow the pregnancy to continue as it is. There isn't much I can do for him, sometimes carrying a child is harder than normally. This can't go on, it's taxing him too much."

 

 

Fíli's gaze wandered to the door. He thought of Kíli's pale and exhausted face, of the nausea and dizziness and of his reduced eating habits. He could see where Óin was coming from and he understood why he spoke only with him about his advice. Kíli wouldn't want to birth the child sooner than nature decided. The pregnancy had been hard and so he feared for the baby not being ready when it was time. They wouldn't get his consent in this situation, even though it meant risking Kíli's life. Fíli had told Bofur himself, Kíli was driving himself mad with fear. Óin left the decision to him and Fíli was not going to let his One die. The healer wouldn't make such a suggestion if the child wasn't ready or if it would put one of his two patients further at risk as was already the case.

 

 

"Do it," Fíli replied eventually.

 

 

Nodding Óin started to rummaging around in the bag he'd taken with him to the living room, bringing to light a little tin with a grey powder. "Solve three spoons in a cup of water and give it to him. It will take a bit time to work and I will send for the midwife in the meantime."

 

 

They parted for the moment, Óin leaving the royal wing to get all the things he needed for the birth and sending for the midwife, while Fíli followed his orders. When the powder had been solved he returned to Kíli's side. The brunet was looking a bit better now that he was ensured that the child was all right, but the sick colour of his skin remained.

 

 

"Here," Fíli handed him the cup, hating that he was about to lie to his consort. He had to remind himself that it was for the best, that he was saving Kíli's life and perhaps even that of their child should a birth at a later date put the baby at risk as well, but it still felt wrong. "Óin says it should help with the dizziness and nausea."

 

 

Kíli took the cup, wrinkling his nose in disgust as he nosed the mixture. "It doesn't smell like it is going to help with the nausea," he scoffed.

 

 

"When have Óin's mixtures ever?" Fíli replied.

 

 

"Good point," Kíli agreed. Still the prospect of drinking this disgusting stuff made him hesitate. All it took however was for Fíli to rub the taut skin of the brunet's belly. Kíli sighed, probably thinking of their child and choked down the mixture, emptying it in one gulp. He shuddered distastefully as he put the cup down again.

 

 

Fíli hovered nervously over Kíli, holding him as his One had asked and waited for the mixture to kick in. Kíli seemed unaware of the prince’s inner fight, having bedded his head on Fíli’s shoulder, lids closed and huddling against him. He’d done the right thing, Fíli needed to remind himself. Kíli was suffering, hardly able to tend to Veli and Dís, although he wanted to. He was too tired, too sick and even their daughter had started worrying. It broke Fíli’s heart to see their little girl like this, looking longingly at her father but not approaching him. Normally she always asked him to play with her, she hadn’t done so in weeks. But she was too young to understand what was happening, Veli on the other hand understood more than Fíli had told him, since he didn’t want to worry him, and this had now started to affect his studies. According to Balin he was often inattentive and rebellious.

 

 

As Kíli tensed in his arms Fíli had to stop his wandering thoughts. “Fíli,” his consort breathed. “I don’t feel well.” Grimacing, he clung to Fíli grunts escaping his tightly shut lips.

 

 

“What is it?” He asked, already knowing the answer.

 

 

“I think the baby is coming,” he groaned. How much the last weeks of indisposition had muddled his mind revealed this very moment, Kíli wasn’t even questioning Fíli’s strange calmness.

 

 

“Come, you should walk around a bit.” Helping the brunet up after he’d breathed through the first contraction and guided him through the room, offering his arm to hold on to.

 

 

They weren’t pacing around for long when the door suddenly opened, but it wasn’t Óin as Fíli had expected, but Dwalin, grabbing Veli by the collar of his tunic and dragging they boy with him inside. The dark hair, only a few nuances lighter than Kíli’s, was a mess. Braids were undone and strands of hair sticking out.

 

 

“What’s the meaning of this?” He demanded to know, his eyes meeting Dwalin’s while Veli stubbornly stared at the floor.

 

 

“He skipped his lessons with Balin, instead I found him roaming the mines with some other children,” Dwalin replied pointing to the stained tunic.

 

 

“The mines?” Fíli gasped in disbelieve. “You know that you are forbidden to go there! Skipping your lessons to go to the mines, it’s dangerous! What were you thinking?”

 

 

Veli broke loose of Dwalin’s grip, of course the warrior allowed this to happen, otherwise the young boy wouldn’t have been able to get away from the giant dwarf.

 

 

“Well, it’s not as if I need all that boring stuff anyway,” he scoffed defiantly.

 

 

“I don’t think you are old enough to know what you will need someday and what not. Everything you learn can once prove to be useful,” he told Veli curtly, already considering an appropriate punishment. Perhaps taking his bow away would hit him hard enough to restrain him from going to the mines again.

 

 

“I don’t need Balin’s lessons. I don’t understand why I have to learn history and politics, I’m not the prince, because you are not my father!”

 

 

Veli’s words took his breath away and hurt more than he’d ever expected. He’d raised this child and loved him dearly, hearing this now from the boy he looked upon as his own flesh and blood resembled the pain of a heavy blow. It was their fault, Fíli thought bitterly. They’d wanted to wait until Veli was older, forbidding everyone to tell him of his true origin, but now someone must’ve let it slip, which shouldn’t really surprise him when their son went to places he wasn’t allowed to. Now was the worst possible timing. His consort was weak and in labour and their son was deeply hurt and deserved answers, but Fíli had no idea how to deal with these things at the same time.

 

 

Stunned silence ruled the chamber before Veli spoke again: “So you shouldn’t be allowed to punish me! I talked to my friends, only parents can punish their children and you are not my father. I bet my real father wouldn’t force me to learn this stupid stuff. He would understand me! He would love me! I wish I were with him and not with you!”

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there are talks...

 

 

A slapping noise of skin meeting skin was what pulled Fíli out of his shock. It wasn’t a hard blow Kíli dealt, barely able to stain the struck cheek red, but a blow nonetheless. The brunet was breathing hard while Veli watched him with wide eyes.

 

 

“How dare you,” Kíli started in a raising voice. “Fíli has always been a good father to you, never favoured Dís over you and has treated you with fairness and kindness and you claim to know your sire would understand you? Love you?” Kíli spat.

 

 

Fíli had never heard his consort talking with so much venom in his words, as if every syllable had the power to cut his tongue. Jari had hurt Kíli deeply and not only he but nearly every dwarf of the settlement the brunet grew up in, it was understandable that Kíli was angry but the hate wound with the pain in his eyes was a new sight even for Fíli. Had Kíli bottled up all those feelings over the last years?

 

 

“He would have given you a good beating for the smallest disobedience instead of taking your favourite toy away. So don’t you dare to talk in my presence of Jari of the Grey Mountains!”

 

 

Veli darted out of the chamber so fast that not even Dwalin was able to stop him in time. Kíli meanwhile doubled over, gripping Fíli’s arm with one hand as a support while the other held the bulge of his belly.

 

 

“Oh, Mahal.” He groaned, breathing through another contraction. They hit him much faster than during the first birth, it wasn’t unusual as Fíli knew.

 

 

Only now Dwalin seemed to realise in what an awkward situation he’d chosen to burst in and with aghast features he mumbled something about getting Óin, his ears bright red after meeting them in something that was supposed to be an intimate moment. It would’ve been funny weren’t other things weighing down heavily on Fíli’s thoughts. The prince held Kíli close fearing he could lose his balance without an immobile prop.

 

 

But soon Kíli’s heavy breaths turned to hiccoughing sobs. Fíli stroked his back forlornly, whispering sweet words into his hair, nothing could calm his consort though. He sobbed and cried and nearly forgot to breathe through the contraction. Fíli felt ready to break out into tears himself when Kíli gagged.

 

 

“Kíli, my love, I know it hurts, but you need to calm down,” he told him as firmly as he could still manage.

 

 

His consort shook only his head in despair. “No. No, it’s not the pain,” he wailed. “I… I have… oh Durin.” Swallowing hard he shook his head again. “I have hit him. I have it my son. What’s wrong with me? I’m turning into them, I never wanted to be like them but I already am.”

 

 

Hearing his consort mumble in such a panicked state spurred Fíli into action. “Listen,” he said, pressing their foreheads together and holding Kíli’s head in place, hoping that this kind of closeness and his much calmer, although shaking breathing was able to settle the brunet’s agitated mind. “You are neither turning into them nor are you like them. You are enfeebled, in pain and worried for our child. He talked about things he doesn’t understand, things that hurt you-“

 

 

“That doesn’t make it right,” Kíli interrupted him, his lips wobbling dangerously.

 

 

“No, it doesn’t,” Fíli agreed, noticing with relieve that his presence finally seemed to help. At least Kíli wasn’t hyperventilating anymore. “But it explains it,” he continues. “And I know you will make it up to him.”

 

 

“But… but I can’t go after him right now,” he said, grimacing.

 

 

“I know,” Fíli replied, knowing what he had to do. He didn’t like it, not when his consort was in labour and after weeks, no, months of worrying about him, but he had to if he wanted to ease Kíli’s mind, although it meant he couldn’t be there for his love. “As soon as Óin and the midwife arrive I’ll go after him. He is probably in the aviary, he always goes there when he is upset.”

 

 

And that was what he did after a bit of coaxing. Fíli had been right with his assumption. Veli sat on the steps of stairs beside one of the nests, but the bird he’d obviously wanted to see wasn’t there. Years ago Veli had found a fledgling, its parents missing. Of course his son had been too young for the responsibility of raising the birds all by himself, but for weeks he’d visited the dwarf who did and had helped him. The falcon hadn’t forgotten his face since then and was tame if it came to Veli.

 

 

“Your friend isn’t here it seems,” Fíli said, taking a seat beside his son.

 

 

“Must be hunting,” Veli answered with a shrug, not meeting Fíli’s gaze he wound his arms around his bend legs.

 

 

Fíli sighed, searching for the right words to begin a conversation like this. He wasn’t sure how much he wanted Veli to know, the boy deserved the truth but he feared what it would do to him, to hear about the cruel deeds of his sire.

 

 

“Veli, we need to talk,” he started. He didn’t like this kind of phrase, but telling this story would be unpleasant anyway. “There are things you don't know about your Adad.”

 

 

This got Veli’s attention. Red-rimmed eyes turned to look at him, it was hardly to miss that he had been crying and it broke Fíli's heart to see him so sad.

 

 

“He hasn’t always lived in Erebor. Has Balin already told you about the Grey Mounatins in your lessons?” Fíli waited for an answer and took Veli’s shake of head as a sign to continue. “Your Adad lived there before he came to Erebor and the people in the Grey Mountains are very cruel to Bearers and women.”

 

 

“Would they be cruel to Dís, too?” Veli interrupted him with wide eyes.

 

 

“I fear they would,” Fíli replied, grimacing at the thought of having his little girl endure the same abuse as Kíli.

 

 

“But why?” Veli asked. They young boy looked horrified.

 

 

“They think people like your Adad and Dís are worth less. Kíli’s parents, your grandparents, treated your Adad terribly and arranged a marriage for him.”

 

 

"With my father?"

 

 

Fíli shook his head. “It is true that you are not my son by blood, but I held you after you were born, helped your Adad to raise you and I love you very much, for me that makes you my son.” Veli seemed to be at a loss for words as he stared at Fíli, before something like remorse claimed his features.

 

 

Sensing his son’s distress he embraced Veli, who needed only a heartbeat of hesitation to snuggle into the offered hug.

 

 

“Is Adad very angry?” He wanted to know, sniffing.

 

 

“No, he is sorry for hurting you. What you need to understand is that Jari wasn’t a nice person, it pains your Adad to remember him and his life in the Grey Mountains.”

 

 

He couldn’t imagine how these news must feel for a child, most of the time he wasn’t even able to understand Kíli’s pain, it was hard for someone who had never experienced such things, so he did what was within his powers and was there for his family. For Kíli it seemed to be enough, a loving environment soothed the ache of the wounds, how deeply embedded those still ran his deeds had shown as Jari was brought up. Healing took time, Óin had once told him and some wounds wouldn’t even scar but fester and accompany someone for the rest of their life.

 

 

“Am I like him?” Veli dared to ask.

 

 

“No,” Fíli replied immediately. “And it doesn’t matter what Jari has done, you are not him and even if we were given the choice we wouldn’t change anything. You are our son and we love you and neither your Adad nor I would trade you for anything.”

 

 

“I’m sorry, Da!” Veli sobbed into his tunic. “I’m sorry I was bad.”

 

 

Fíli let him cry. He didn’t hold Thorin’s opinion that a child at Veli’s age was too old to cry. His uncle might know how to reign a kingdom, raising a child on the other hand not so much. Fíli didn’t think himself an expert either, but with Kíli and the Ur’s he’d done a pretty good job so far or at least so it seemed.

 

 

“You are not bad, it is our fault for not telling you, we wanted to do it when you were older,” Fíli sighed. “We didn’t want you to feel guilty or even responsible, because you have done nothing wrong. Please never doubt this. The only thing you need to understand is that not every place is like Erebor. There are kingdoms were others are hurt because of questionable opinions or even for fun. Your Adad is happy here, but for a very long time he wasn’t and sometimes it’s hard on him to be reminded of his life in the Grey Mountains. I would like to leave it at that and tell you more about it when you are older, unless you want to hear the whole story right now.”

 

 

When Veli shook his head Fíli breathed an inaudible sigh of relieve. He wanted his son to understand and if he’d demanded it Fíli would’ve told him everything, but at the same time he wanted to return to Kíli’s side and make sure he and the baby were all right. And so he was thankful for this outcome and waited until Veli had calmed down and his tears ran dry. They decided to head back home, the young boy was determined to apologise to Kíli for his words. But the way was long from the aviary to the royal wing and so he had the time to raise another topic.

 

 

"The reason why you have all these lessons isn’t only because you never know if you will need the knowledge someday, but also because we hope you will help your little brother in the future. Being the prince isn’t easy, it’s a life full of training, meetings and lessons. History, politics, manners… everything is important and unlike you and Dís he will have to start at a very young age with all of this. He will need support to handle all the pressure, everyone will look at him and demand only the best of him. A life like this is hard and your Adad and I hope you will not only help him with his homework when he starts his lessons, but also guide him in his decisions. You are very smart Veli,” his son turned his head to look up at him, his eyes shining with surprise.

 

 

“Really?” He asked.

 

 

“You were able to sneak into the mines unnoticed, this isn’t easy and now I have to consider how to make it even more difficult.”

 

 

Veli dropped his gaze sheepishly. “How do you know it wasn’t one of my friends that brought us in?”

 

 

“I’m your father, I just know these things,” Fíli laughed.

 

 

In truth it was hard to miss what kind of status Veli had among his friends, they looked up to him because of his success in training. Perhaps his son didn’t like the Balin’s lessons, but he was good with a sword and a bow and wasn’t stupid either. Tactic was his strong point and with that he had become something like a leader to the little group and maybe being Thori’s great-nephew had part in it as well, but it definitely wasn’t the only reason. But Fíli didn’t tell him this out of fear it could make him arrogant.

 

 

“Anyway, we hope you will help your little brother, he is going to need it and even though you aren’t the prince you will still have to make important decisions. To be honest I hope that on the day your brother is crowned king you will be one of his advisors, but that’s only my wish. Should you decide you would rather be a toymaker like Bofur and Bifur I wouldn’t mind either. Important is that you find something that makes you happy, because you have something your little brother won’t have: a choice. But these are thoughts for the future and nothing we should dwell on right now.”

 

 

Despite him ending his speech like this his words must’ve still given Veli food for thought, because he was silent until they finally arrived at their chambers again. Óin awaited them when they stepped inside, Fíli couldn’t see the midwife, of course she could still be in the bedroom with Kíli, but in that case the healer would’ve been there as well. Was the baby already born? Fíli could feel his heartbeat quicken, while Veli padded past them before Fíli was able to stop him.

 

 

“Congratulation, it’s another healthy lad,” Óin told him with a small smile, Fíli’s shoulders were sagging with relieve.

 

 

“And Kíli-“

 

 

“Everything went well, although I advise at least a week of bedrest. He is completely exhausted and it will take time for him to recover. I will visit regularly to make sure he is healing well, but you should get help to look after your children, I don’t suppose you can look after three little ones, your consort and your duties. Even if Kíli wants to help you, don’t let him. This is about him getting well again and nothing else. Understood?”

 

 

Fíli nodded, he didn’t have to be told twice, he too wanted to see Kíli finally healthy again after all, beginning with a normal colour of his skin and a returning appetite. Luckily he could take Bofur up on his offer of looking after the children, he trusted him and his family with this task more than anyone else in this kingdom. And so he thanked Óin and asked a servant to bring Bofur to him, before he finally stepped into the bedroom as well.

 

 

Kíli looked awful. He was paler than ever, making the dark circles around his eyes more prominent. If Óin hadn’t told him everything was going to be all right again, Fíli wouldn’t believe him at this sight. Veli had crawled under the covers beside his Adad, snuggling up to him. Kíli had his lids closed but murmured something into Veli’s hair while gently stroking his son’s heads.

 

 

“I’m so sorry, I’ve lost control. It should’ve never happened, please forgive me,” Fíli could hear his consort mumbled as he stepped closer.

 

 

“I said bad stuff that hurt you,” Veli argued.

 

 

“That’s no reason to hurt someone in return,” Kíli told him and Fíli couldn’t help but think himself back to the day he’d accused Kíli of the most terrible things just because the brunet’s secret had hurt his feelings in a way he’d never thought possible. Kíli was right, getting hurt was no reason to lash out in response. He had realised this and also talked with Kíli about that day a few times, still he would never get rid of the memory of Kíli’s broken expression. “Please, forgive me,” his consort repeated.

 

 

“It’s all right, Adad. I’m not mad at you.” The way Kíli grimaced slightly told Fíli that he wished Veli was, but their son was equally stubborn.

 

 

“Do you want to meet your little brother?” Kíli asked, obviously having decided to change the subject to prevent their conversation from turning into an argument. Mahal knew it wasn’t wanted right now.

 

 

“Yes, where is he?” So Kíli had already told him that the baby had been born in his absence.

 

 

“In the nursery. But try to be quiet, he is sleeping.”

 

 

Veli pecked Kíli on the cheek and afterwards climbed out of the bed, heading for the nursery. Fíli made use of the opportunity and sat down on the mattress beside Kíli, gently rubbing his consort’s upper arm under the covers.

 

 

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

 

 

“Like I could sleep for days,” Kíli slurred.

 

 

“Then sleep,” Fíli said, kissing him tenderly. “I will take care of everything.”

 

 

“Thank you,” the brunet replied, a small smile spreading on his lips. At this sight Fíli truly felt that somehow everything was going to be all right.

 

 

Getting up he quietly left the bedroom and entered the nursery. There Veli was leaning over the cradle, whispering something. The baby was much smaller than Veli and Dís had once been, but the boy's skin had a healthy rosy-tinted colour and was sleeping peacefully. And all of a sudden Fíli’s eyes were welling up with tears. Both of them were all right, his consort and his son, he felt like the luckiest dwarf beneath this mountain. By now he was standing near enough by the cradle to understand the whispered words of his oldest son if he strained his ears.

 

 

“And don’t worry, I will show you every hiding place for when you are sick of all the stupid lessons and help you with your homework, just not with maths, I hate maths. But I will teach you how to shoot a bow, Adad is really good at it and one day we will be that good as well. And I will show you the aviary and how to climb trees and I promise I will always take care of you and be the best big brother ever,” Fíli listened to Veli’s lowered voice.

 

 

A while ago Fíli had thought he could never be more proud of Veli, well… he was mistaken.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your kind and lovely comments. I was a bit unsure if I should really post this story, but now I'm glad I did.
> 
> I know this story could've turned out better if my English was better. Some parts seem just a bit too rushed to me and if it wouldn't frustrate me so fast when I don't know how to phrase some passages accurately then this story could've been longer and better with a lot more happy moments between Fíli and Kíli. All in all I have the feeling this story is a bit depressing, but perhaps I'm only imagining it.  
> Anyway, without your lovely comments I would've probably decided to never try to write a longer story in English again and so you've really motivated me to keep going and I will try my best to do better with the next story. Although my next upload here is going to be a translation of my already existing work. A reader said in a comment that the story would get more response if it was written in English and I'm really eager to find out if she was right.
> 
> Thank you all for reading, leaving kudos and commenting!


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